Just breathe through it.

I'm having a hard time coming up with a good title for this blog entry, so I just decided to get started and see where it goes. [sidenote/shout out to Hilary's blog...see link below...which ultimately helped me come up with my not all that clever, but I thought it kind of was, title.]

I haven't been doing much on the wedding planning front lately. I was/am pretty close to being finished with my bridesmaid cards, but when I was away last weekend I got out of my groove. All the time changing really screwed with me - first to Houston to CST, then to DST (losing an hour of sleep after coming home from the wedding after 1AM, then getting woken up to pack and get ready for the post-wedding brunch around 7...or was it 8AM?), and finally back to EDT. I don't remember what time it was when we started. So I've been totally exhausted all week, and feel like I'm coming down with my annual spring/seasons changing cold. Bleh.

There's a lot on my mind lately. A lot on my mind and not much to do about it, it seems. So instead of obsessing over all these little things (and big things) that I'm not quite ready or able to tackle yet, I've been trying to focus on me, and what it is I need to feel like I'm in control, back in the driver's seat, I can do this, and when the time comes to tackle each of these things, I won't feel overwhelmed and stressed, I'll be able to compartmentalize and accomplish what I need to, task by task, day by day. Run on sentence much?

So my thing, my and many other people's thing, has become yoga. To clear my head, to relax and work my body, and to focus on something very important: me. I finally found somewhere comfortable, affordable, and that fits in my schedule where I can practice in Portsmouth. It's funny, because I'm so not a yoga person. Except that I am. I'm exactly the kind of person that needs yoga. Nothing I have ever done has had as profound a calming and energizing effect on me at the same time. Nothing else I have ever done has allowed me to feel the kind of clarity (read: not obsessing over to do list and all other things running through this ridiculous mile-a-minute mind of mine) that I feel when I practice yoga. And although I would still consider myself very much a beginner, I have already introduced other people to the practice, and they are loving it just as much.

It's funny to me that I called this blog "just breathe" without really thinking. I was feeling stressed out, and like I needed to breathe. Also, I just couldn't think of a good name, and I intended to change it as soon as I came up with one. But then it sort of seemed appropriate to the task at hand, and I decided to stick with it, again figuring I could always change it later. But it sort of clicked, the other day, seeing and reading the blog of a former camp counselor, breathe through this, which is about life, love, and yoga - as her subtitle indicates. I saw on facebook a post about ujjayi breathing, which is what we do where I go now at Zev Yoga (I guess I was probably doing it in bikram too, but as I mentioned I'm pretty new at this and all these sanskit (? I think they're sanskrit) words get a little confusing for me.), and I thought, oh I'd like to read that and get another take on it. It's one of those things that when you're practicing, even in an intro class where things are explained relatively well, you kind of wonder, "am I doing this right? it feels weird, and I think I'm making a sound, but is it the right sound? and also, umm why am I doing this?" Yes, that is me, even in a yoga class, where I just said I find the most clarity. Right after that series of questions, I am reprimanding myself for thinking about anything other than breathing and doing the postures. Oh, Sara.

Anyway, I read her post on ujjayi, along with about five or six others, and was hooked. I also thought, how funny, both of our blogs are about breath. Not really similar at all...and yet what is breath but the life-giving force that gets us through just about anything? Whether it's a tough day, an 18-month marathon wedding planning process, or just a desire to find who you are, connect with that person every day, and live the life you are meant to live. And maybe share it with a few other people along the way... who may or may not stumble upon your blog and find something that strikes a cord and feel like, hey, I'm not the only one. I'm not alone in this world. And now my thoughts, my instincts, and my passions have more meaning, because I share them with another human being. Hey, it's kind of like a relationship, and finding the person you want to spend your life with.

So I think I know now why I called this blog what I did. I was talking with someone last night about it, yoga and breath I mean, and I could just sense her excitement at having started practicing and feeling a sense of calm, and of transformation already. I love that. I love sharing that with people, because as much as yoga is a solitary practice (it is, right?) I think what helps me feel like I am doing something truly good and beneficial, and to quote Hilary, not just "hippie-dippie new age bullshit", is to know that others share the same (or a similar) experience I do - especially people who have lifestyles and personalities similar to mine. I will never have the time, or the focus, to be a full-time bride or a full-time yogini. But that's okay. I kind of like being the kind of woman who does it all (or tries)... even some things that seem like they don't go together - careerist, fiancée, friend, bridezilla (sometimes, I'll admit it, it's probably gonna happen), over-analyzer, perfectionist, wine-o, dog lover, (can't wait to be a) soccer mom (yes, I'm only 25 but I'm pretty sure my clock has been ticking since 15), yogini, and someone who probably doesn't exercise enough, in general. Oh, and kind of a spaz. But if I just breathe through it (see how cleverly I combined the titles of both blogs?!) .... I can be somewhat less spaz-y! (sometimes.)

On that note, TGIF!