Oh hello, Monday.

Why is it that the weekend just never seems long enough? For someone who for quite some time was not only used to working on Saturdays, but rarely had more than one day off at a time, I still can't seem to quite accomplish all that I want to on my weekends. It always feels like I've just touched the tip of the iceberg, just gotten going on projects, and then here it is, the dreaded Monday morning, once again. With a full work week stretching ahead of me, I wonder how I managed not to do any laundry, not to finish this, that, or the other thing I had started, and when I will have time to get back to doing the actual *fun* stuff I was hoping to do! Ugh!


I haven't been very good about posting lately, so I have quite a bit to catch up on. The first thing I'm excited about, is that I've finally made my bridal party decisions, I feel good about it (mostly), and I started my first DIY wedding-related project. I saw this adorable idea online (or in a magazine? I can't even remember) and then on another bride's blog. After doing some research on other options (i.e. to buy as opposed to make), I settled on just having to do my own, with the string of paper dolls & all. It is proving even MORE difficult & time consuming than expected for the least-crafty-person-on-the-planet (ME), but I'm still having fun with it. I'm going to come up with something similar for the girls I can't include as bridesmaids, but want to have participating, as basically honorary wedding party members just the same.


Here's the original idea: Super cute DIY Bridesmaid Cards
And to credit the other blogger: Wedding & Life Nonsense: Card Making!


And now for some pictures of my progress (because I am realizing one thing my blog is sorely lacking so far is pictures!)

I am especially proud of the hair! (despite the fact that this somewhat ruins the surprise for those girls that read the blog... can you tell who you are?) I haven't 'officially' asked anyone yet - hence the cards - but I am sure they all have some idea they will get asked. It was a very tough final decision for me to limit to six, but I have other important jobs for those I can't have as bridesmaids, and I hope they will understand. Even as it is, I feel like we have a huge bridal party.


The paper dolls themselves took me forever to get right. I couldn't find 18" craft paper (only construction paper which I felt would be too flimsy...), so they had to be skinnier than suggested in the original project. At first I made them smaller overall from a template I found online (see first two pictures), but they didn't look how I wanted them to. That left me to freehand draw a new template, which shockingly turned out all right! The hardest part is the detailed cutting out of the dolls through six layers of cardstock with little tiny (very sharp, but tiny!) craft scissors. I took a break from cutting dolls to work on hair and dresses, and then I got sidetracked for the rest of the day. I'm really excited I found a card & envelope set with more or less the exact blue I want for my color (which I call 'peacock blue' but turquoise is basically what it is), as well as cardstock in an almost exact match for the dresses! yay! I'm feeling very empowered and crafty, as I also started decorating my wedding inspiration book/binder. Did not get very far on that, so no pictures just yet. But I'm trying very hard to conjure up & embrace my inner DIY bride, as our choice of venue and certain other details are driving up the original budget, and anything I can do myself or get creative about will really make a difference!


The other major thing we did this weekend was OFFICIALLY reserve our date and reception venue. And by officially, I mean, we still need to send him a deposit and we are still planning on looking around at a few other places we could have our tented reception... but I sort of feel this is it. Even though it puts a pinch on our bottom line... it just feels like we can make it happen and it feels right. It's going to be exactly as I have been picturing all along... St. Peter's ceremony and Greystone reception... with a beautiful tent, candles, flowers, the waves crashing against the rocks. It's going to be elegant, but earthy, summery, and ultimately, a big PARTY! :-)


I feel like Johnny & I were meant for each other in so many ways, and I feel like our wedding is meant to happen this way. I have vivid recollections and dreams of my childhood in that neighborhood, and it just seems so fitting to mark this occasion, this next step in my life, somewhere I feel immensely connected to and have continued to return to over and over again throughout my life. Although I do not currently attend church regularly, I have always considered myself not just a religious, but a very spiritual person, and I strongly believe that everything does happen for a reason, in its own way & time, and that instinct, intuition, and ultimately a higher power, if we let it, play an enormous part in shaping our decisions and our lives.


In addition to confirming the date with the owner of Greystone


I think I shall wrap it up here for now. It's a very quiet, rainy Monday in Portsmouth, but now that emails and my typical Monday tasks are out of the way, it's a good opportunity for me to try to get ahead with appraisals and some other projects I've been putting on the back burner. Of course, I woke up with a headache that I can't shake (despite efforts involving food, water, coffee, vitamins, and excedrin), so staring at a computer is not what I should or want to be doing whether for personal or work-related reasons.

Delicious coffee.

I recently discovered I thoroughly, thoroughly enjoy flavored creamer (fat free of course) in my coffee. I have been a coffee drinker since the first summer I was a counselor at my beloved childhood summer camp in Hope, Maine, Bishopswood. I was seventeen. The love affair (or addiction, depending on how you look at it) has never ended. 

I started drinking coffee-like drinks with my friends at Breaking New Grounds sometime in high school, but we largely stuck to hot chocolate, chai, and the occasional over-sweetened caramel latte. It was that first summer, working essentially 24/7, getting up early every morning, organizing activities all day, and dealing with the trials and tribulations of my cabin full of demanding, yet fabulous 12- to 14-year-old girls that made it suddenly not just appealing, but necessary. Also, it was there, and I wanted to be in the cool-older-counselors-who-have-to-have-their-coffee-in-the-morning club. 

I don't think I was fully "addicted" until the following summer, back at Bishopswood, when my duties as a counselor in a younger cabin, with two new co-counselors, and as an activity area leader, pushed me to the brink of insanity as the summer wore on. I haven't returned to Bishopswood since, sadly, but when I arrived at Sewanee, just days after that summer at camp ended, coffee became as much a daily staple, and a more and more severe addiction as the college years wore on.

Since I started drinking the coffee, I have gone through just about every phase of ways I enjoy it, from black, to with milk, creamer, fat-free half & half, or saturated with various flavors of Torani syrup. The one thing I do not particularly care for in my coffee is sugar. I like it sweet from time to time, but usually by way of a flavor, not just sugar itself. When I do crave sugar, it has to be that demerara/turbinado/sugar in the raw stuff. It's just lovely with a good cup at the end of a nice meal.

So my recent discovery was that a little flavored coffee creamer could really start my day off right. Maybe it's just masking the not-so-great taste of the cheap coffee I often buy for us at home, but it sure is nice to wake up with a little french vanilla or Italian sweet cream to put a little pep in my step for the day.

Anyway, that's enough about coffee, although it is a subject I could go on about for quite some time. About every other Friday I work the late shift at Summerwind. We're open until 8:30 most Friday nights, so we all take turns covering that shift. I have to say, I don't mind the sleeping in or the watching of the Today show on a Friday morning (especially a snowy, wet one like today), but it's not the most fun in the world to work late on a Friday night. Since I usually have Saturdays off, it delays the gratification of being done with work for the week - and it is not typically very busy at night at this time of year. Johnny isn't a huge fan either, as it messes up dinner and other Friday night plans. The other thing is, Friday morning in bed would be FAR more enjoyable if I could just stay there. ☺

So I think I'm starting to subconsciously dream about wedding details just about every night. I'm a little concerned, given that the wedding is not just months, but well over a year away. If this continues I may very well go insane by the time it actually comes around. I don't actually know what these dreams are about, I just wake up feeling compelled to pick up a bridal magazine, pour over materials (again) collected at the bridal shows, or blog. Or just do something.

I don't typically remember my dreams, as a general rule. Instead, I will remember who was in the dream, or one striking detail. I wake up feeling something. Not sure what, but something. Then, maybe later in the day, or even week, I see someone, or something triggers the memory. I guess it's something like déjà vu - except that it isn't my dreams predicting what's going to happen, they just make me feel or think differently when I next encounter the trigger. It's bizarre. And kind of unsettling. 

Going back to the bridesmaid issue from yesterday, I had a very vivid and unsettling dream about one of my friends the other night. She is one of girls I am on the fence about having in the bridal party. I really want to ask her, but I'm pushing my limits on size and still debating what to do about that. I have been thinking of asking her to do a reading or somehow be a part of it in another way. So then I had this dream that she was killed in a car crash. I mean, seriously? How am I supposed to read into THAT?! In the dream, I saw and grieved with her whole family, who I used to be somewhat close with, but wasn't planning on inviting to the wedding. So I woke up, thinking, okay is this telling me to invite her family? To have her as a bridesmaid so I don't lose her? Is this just a random dream because I've been thinking & obsessing over all my friends and this bridesmaid issue?! 

Needless to say, I could use some suggestions on how to get this crap off my mind, and AGAIN, I am starting to wish I took the advice of the bride with the longest-engagement-ever, and went on the six-months-or-less plan. It's like the old adage... so much to do, so little time! Oh wait, I mean WAY TOO MUCH time. 

just. breathe. ...

Decisions, decisions.

There are, and will continue to be, many decisions revolving around our wedding, but one of the decisions that has posed itself as very difficult for me so far is choosing my bridesmaids. I have been obsessing over this, on and off, essentially since the day we got engaged. (I had also thought about it before, but hadn't allowed myself to worry too much considering there was no urgency to the matter.)

Well, there still isn't THAT much urgency, but I'd really like to be able to make a decision and let my girls know. I have a great idea for how I want to ask them, and although it will take some time & effort on my part, I really can't wait to do it!

The problem is that while I don't have any sisters of my own, or cousins I'm particularly close to or anything, I have had many very special, very close friends over the years. I have never been the type of girl to have tons of friends, just one or two close ones here and there. For that reason, and because I never did have siblings to be close to and rely on, I seemed to form really strong bonds and attachments to the friends I have had during each stage or aspect of my life - childhood, middle & high school, college, and participating in youth events/church stuff. I also love Johnny's two sisters dearly, and cherish the relationships I have formed with them over the years. It has been a lifelong DREAM of mine, to have siblings, especially sisters, and I have to say it was certainly a huge plus in coming to the final realization that he was in fact "the one", to know that I would inherit two such lovely ladies, who have now officially adopted me with open arms as their third sister. I consider myself very lucky, overall, in the in-law department.

My dilemma is how to choose. I haven't decided on a final number, but Johnny has five groomsmen, and is relatively set on that number and those people. Being the type A that I am, even though I know you don't have to have equal numbers, it makes me want to also have five bridesmaids. Ten seems like a nice number for the bridal party, too. Of course, prior to J deciding on the groomsmen, I was quite set on having an even number of b-maids and g-men ... and five is not that. Either way, I have more girls I would like to have, than I have spots to fill.

This left me thinking, and selecting, and re-selecting, and reasoning as to the best choices, who would be least offended, who would actually be happy if I didn't ask her (she probably doesn't read this, but if she did, she would know I was talking about her!), or who might feel uncomfortable with the financial commitment and it might be respectful NOT to ask it of her. But then I thought some more, and read various articles, and talked to people... and I thought, well none of this logical stuff matters, I should ask EXACTLY who I want to, regardless of the number, whether it's even or odd, or matches the g-men. I need to have the girls who I really want up there, and who should be up there, by my side on that day.

But I really hate huge bridal parties! I mean, depending on how huge we're talking, it's not that big a deal, but for me personally, it kind is. I really want the bridal party to be small enough that everyone feels they are important, gets to know each other if possible, and it looks appropriate to the size & style wedding we are actually having. So basically what I'm saying is, do whatever you want, but for me, too many bridesmaids, is too many bridesmaids.

BUT (yet another but!) I really love all of my friends, even the ones I don't see or talk to as often these days. They are all people I feel like I can pick up right where we left off, whenever we do connect, and they all have significance to me or to me & to Johnny both that I don't want to discount or ignore. So what to do, what to do....

On a separate note, this weekend we don't have any specific wedding planning plans, so I plan to start working on my "book" ... a.k.a. inspiration & planning binder. I decided to buy a photo album/scrapbook at Target last weekend, because I really wanted a "pretty" binder, but couldn't find one that also seemed functional. I also bought a bunch of gorgeous & fun scrapbooking stuff (like bridal themed stickers, and beautiful "garden party" themed paper) to start decorating and piecing together my favorite ideas. I'm basically the least crafty person on the planet, so it should be an interesting endeavor. For now, I just want to get it started with the "inspiration" stuff, but I am going to remove some pages to put in dividers and sheet protectors for storing vendor info, pricing, budget sheets, pictures of any definite items we decide on, and color swatches, etc.

My other weekend goal (which will probably come before starting the wedding book) is to finish sorting through my stacks and stacks of papers, bills, mail, and wedding stuff I've collected so far, and organize my new office upstairs! It's been SO nice to have our hall/catwalk completely clear of crap (including the ironing board), and I can't wait to get the rest of the clutter out of the living & dining rooms, and start utilizing my new personal space. Already I think we are both happier and calmer in the house, because of the changes. It's a little more "feng shui" if you will, and it eliminates little tiffs over who has more crap, taking up more space, making more of a mess. Ahhh domestic harmony. In-val-u-able. :)

I'm the Bride!

Today I dragged my semi-reluctant fiancé to the "Seacoast Denim & Diamonds" wedding expo at Stage Neck Inn & York Harbor Inn. The main goals: to get some info & pricing on some of the other venues in the area, and price out the tent & rentals we would need if we did go with Greystone. As I have mentioned, we are trying to nail down a date and venue soon due to the overwhelming popularity of getting married in this area in the summer. Having that taken care of will give me some peace of mind and give us the main framework for the rest of the planning process. Then, we can spend the next 6 months or so just relaxing and enjoying our engagement. We are pretty set now on a late summer/early fall time frame, so we are looking at a year & a half - and then some - of planning time.

J & I had a little fight last night. What relationship doesn't have those special moments, right? :) So I knew he was really excited about going to this thing today. The fight wasn't about that - but you know how it is, when you're in that funk, trying to get a guy to do anything he doesn't want to (or really anything at all if you are the one suggesting it) is next to impossible. Of course, once I told him he didn't have to come, he decided to anyway. What a guy.

It turned out to be a great thing for us to be there, together, just the two of us. Once Johnny started talking to people and seeing pictures of things I had mentioned or told him about, he really got into it. The show was relatively small, and split between the two venues, which made it very manageable. It just so happened that many people we know and want to use were there (the ladies from York Flower Shop, old friends of Johnny's from his years working at Jonathan's, etc.). We were decisive and totally on the same page (yay!) with just about everything. Our vision really came together, and we decided that with over a year & a half to plan and implement "the dream" if you will, we can do it. Why waste time & energy researching, visiting, and budgeting places that really don't fit into that picture of our perfect wedding? We have some friends & connections we will be able to use, and hopefully that will help the budget issue, but the bottom line is that we know what we want, we want the same thing, and we decided we are going for it. Whatever it takes on our part, we are going to make it happen. Throughout both our individual lives & our relationship, when we want something, we always seem to make it happen. Hey, when Johnny wanted me, he made it happen right? :) It is so important to us to have the wedding we want, that truly represents us as couple. We just don't want to settle when it comes to this day in our lives. We also want it to be special & memorable for our guests, many of whom will travel quite a distance to be there.

Today we decided on our venue, overall concept, florist, music, caterer, and touched on a few other details that we would like to include. I already know the photographer I want to use and have been in contact with the church we are thinking of for the ceremony (although we are still undecided about church vs. outdoor ceremony at this point). I would say the only major details we don't know who or what at this time are the dress and the cake. But those, and all the little details, can totally come later. And they will.

Needless to say, we didn't exactly "book" all these people today, but we got a firm idea of who we will use and what we will be doing. We got some numbers that will help us hash out the budget and start saving what we need to to pull this off. More information, I am sure, will be inundating my inbox by tomorrow morning. I feel confident we are going exactly in the direction that is going to make us both happy, strengthen our relationship throughout the planning process, and add up to the happiest day of our lives when it finally comes.

So today, and not just because I was wearing the sticker, I really felt like a bride. The happy happy happy bride whose "dream wedding" is coming together. And the best part about it was having my handsome groom by my side, supporting, helping, caring, and getting excited with me. For that, and many other reasons, I just love him so very much.

Change of plans.

Major bummer of the day: our engagement shoot in Ogunquit with Tess today was canceled, because it's super windy and cold, which is a recipe for a crappy shoot. Not worth her time, our money, or the effort. On the plus side, I have a little more free time today, and can make it to a yoga class this afternoon, which is much needed.

Going back to what was supposed to be my second topic of discussion last night, I'm feeling very overwhelmed/frustrated/sad that it seems like the wedding I am imagining is completely out of reach for us. Why on earth do these things have to cost so much money? I hate money. I know I could just adjust my taste/expectations to require a different amount of money...but that is my point. I hate that I have to have to adjust, have to compromise, or have to be someone I'm not. Why can't I have a fairy godmother to just grant me the wedding of my dreams - turn a pumpkin into a tent and some dry chicken breasts into steak & lobster to feed 150 people?

I want to make it clear that I am not complaining about not having enough money to pay for the wedding. What I am complaining about is how much some of the things I want cost. There are certain things I understand why they cost a certain amount. There are other things I think are just ridiculous. There are also things I want that we happen to have ways I know we can probably cut the costs in half. The problem is the major things - the things that take the biggest chunks of the budget - are non-negotiable. The only way they are negotiable is by changing what I want. Change the venue, change the number of people on the guest list, change what we eat, or whether there is an open bar. To get what I want, the price is what the price is. And this frustrates me immensely. At this point, I know I am not done my research, and I am certainly open to adjusting my dream and my vision of our wedding, BUT if I were to stick with it, I am stuck. And I keep coming back to that. And feeling like crap about it.

The reason this came up is that I happened to run into Kate Parker at an event downtown last night. She is a wedding planner who does a lot of really nice, destination weddings in the area. I had contacted her before, because I see all her ads in the bridal mags we advertise in, and at first I had thought I would want/need a wedding planner, because of my schedule and stress level - and that I want everything to be just perfect for our day. I have since been told by many people that there is no need for a planner, and of course it is a lot of money to spend out of the budget just for that, so I have to consider whether I would rather put that toward my dress, more flowers, or what have you.

Well, I quickly realized in the conversation that besides that we can't really afford her on the budget we currently have, I probably can't/wouldn't want to use her, because you do have to use certain services/vendors through her, which both limits my options (hate that) and pushes the costs even higher (can't even go there). But, I picked her brain a little, and got some numbers to give me a better idea as to whether or not I'm completely out in left field here - and I am. That truly made me sick. As I was walking to my car, all I could do was start adding & subtracting all these numbers in my head, and laugh. It was helpful, but it was horribly depressing. Sorry, I wasted your time Kate, especially on your birthday (I found this out after I forced myself and a million questions on her), and the likelihood of us hiring you is slim to none. I'm pretty sure she knew that, and she was really nice about it anyway. So if you're rolling in the dough and want a swanky New England wedding done by a pro planner....check out Kate Parker Weddings!

Okay, enough about this bothersome budget topic. I'm letting it go, and going into the bridal show at Stage Neck/York Harbor Inn with an open mind tomorrow. I know the best way to cut costs is to choose an all in one venue (as opposed to the private property/tent option that is currently my ideal) and cut the guest list. The latter is definitely not off the table, but it's not completely on the table either. Johnny & I have to have a discussion about his cousins and our friends, and see what the final number is before we start making any drastic decisions. To me, every detail is important, but I would say that for both of us, the people we share that day with is of vital importance. Neither one of us is okay with leaving people out, leaving anyone feeling hurt or uncomfortable, or sacrificing the feeling of a big, fun, friendly wedding, just to serve filet instead of a buffet. So we shall see. I have heard guest list horror stories, but I think we are going to be okay. The truth of the matter is much of our guest list is coming from out of town, and may not even be able to come. So again, no drastic measures to be taken at this time.

Now, back to reality: laundry, bathroom cleaning, errands, and yoga for my sanity!

Finally Friday.

(be forewarned - this is a very long post!)


Sometimes...okay almost always... I get to Friday and just feel like crap. Actually the best word for it is just grumpy. I wake up in the morning feeling like, oh thank goodness I made it through another week! TGIF! I'm going to be in such a great mood today! I can't wait for the weekend, woohooo! And then the day drags, annoying little things get under my skin, I don't feel like working so I'm unproductive and displeased with myself, and I may or may not have mentioned this word before....exhausted.

So this post has two topics: topic #1 is for my dear friend Melissa from Sewanee (shout out!). She happened to suggest a little topic for my blog and I happened to encounter a situation that COMPLETELY fit the bill just last night/today. Topic #2 is more ranting about budgets and dreams and things not going how I want them to right now. We shall get to that later.

Melissa's topic was how hard it is sometimes to be a "classy, well-mannered, says-the-right-things lady" in this crazy, mixed up modern-day world we're living in -- and to do to so not only in daily life but also say on facebook (because we all know that's a whole other can of worms). This is a great topic, especially when it comes to wedding planning and I know there will be countless examples of times I need to exhibit such behavior, and I hope (for their sake more than my own!) others will too when it comes to me & my wedding. The situation I just encountered, is that apparently others, even strangers, sometimes do not always feel the need to do so. And for lack of a better way of putting it, it really effing pisses me off, leaves me livid and ruins my day! every time!

I believe I owe some of my well-mannered, lady-like ways to my time in the South. I think I was definitely raised to be a classy woman, but seriously, it takes on a whole new meaning down there. My closest friends from college, most of them had excellent manners, in addition to VERY strong opinions about  those manners, what is and is not appropriate, and who is and is not appropriate. It was actually quite entertaining for me at times, not being a Southerner by birth, and I must admit, I think it did add a certain level of judgmental-ness to my personality that I don't always love and try to overcome where appropriate. I know I have high expectations of people, just as I do for myself, and sometimes I guess they are a little too high. Sometimes, though, some people could stand to raise their standards...just a little.

Moving home, back to Yankee territory if you will, I started to realize that I find some people truly obnoxious and completely tactless. I'm sorry, I just do. Last night, I happened to encounter two such people. Two completely obnoxious, tactless, classless women (in my humble opinion) graced us with their presence last night at the Red Door, where Johnny spins with a friend about once a month on Thursday nights. They were probably drunk, but you know what, they were rude - and in a way that I do not believe there is any excuse for. Even after learning that I was not just his "girl" but his future WIFE, these two girls were blatantly hitting on my fiancé RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and completely making no effort to involve me in the conversation whatsoever. In fact, they seemed to be purposefully blocking me out of it. To add insult to injury, apparently after I headed home (since I did have to work today -- and I was going to get really pissed off if I stayed there, so I just excused myself from the situation), they actually had the nerve to tell Johnny he should not be marrying me, that he was too young to settle down.

EXCUSE ME?! I'm sorry, did I miss something????????? In what way, and when, did this kind of behavior from "adults" (I do believe these two women were older than us by at least a couple of years) become appropriate?! WTF! I would like to add - in case it was not obvious - we had never met either of these two people before. I guess it probably would have been worse, if we did know them, but whatever, they knew enough so SHUT UP.

I'm sorry, maybe now I'm being the un-classy one bitching about it on a blog - this is one of those situations, Miss Melissa, where it is really hard for me personally to calm my temper and bite my tongue ... I did earlier on facebook, but I'm choosing to write about it now, because a) it really really ticked me off, and b) I feel like the people reading this can probably sympathize and identify with the vile female creatures who behave this way. It is NOT me being a jealous, bitchy, or overprotective girlfriend/fiancé. Your behavior is inappropriate, uncalled for, and quite frankly immature. I know, I know, they are probably just jealous and insecure, but don't they realize they feel pathetic or alone, BECAUSE they act this way - it is not going to help the situation! I just wanted to vomit all over my desk when Johnny was telling me about the rest of last night. Honestly, I cannot believe people like this exist and get away with this crap. I mean, really? Really?!

Now, I'm not sure this was exactly what Melissa was hoping I would get at, but I promise someday I will find a good story/example and venture into the part about how during wedding planning "it's especially important to keep the Classy Lady turned on during possible hot topics." And, again to quote her - it's just good policy in life, I think.

The Classy Lady in this situation was turned on last night when she let it be and left the party. Went home, washed her face, and got some rest. She was also turned on when she typed a facebook status rant this afternoon, stared at it for a minute, then deleted the gory details, which to be perfectly honest were getting at some comments from someone who is actually a "friend" and on facebook... and wrote instead, "everyone is entitled to their opinion, but sometimes it's prudent to keep it to yourself!" Which, in short, sums up my Classy Lady theory, and is, I feel, the best advice for behavior in all situations. If you're not sure how your opinion is going to be received (or if you KNOW it's not going to be received well), it probably is best to keep it to yourself. You ARE entitled to feel the way you feel, and sometimes it's a good idea to get that out there. But, if the results of getting it out there are possibly to deeply offend someone, cause long term damage or scarring to a relationship/friendship, likely not to make any difference in the other person's opinion, OR not really make any difference for YOU personally in the long run, then getting it out there won't be necessary - thank you very much. 

Last but not least on this topic, one key example of when to keep your mouth shut: How you feel about a friend's fiancé. First of all, if you have "legitimate" concerns about the relationship, if you are that good a friend, you probably should have brought it up by now. If you didn't, or if your friend didn't take your advice, the time has passed. Once the decision has been made, the deal is done, let it go. shut your mouth. zip your lips. it's not your life, it's theirs, and they have made their decision. If you are truly a friend, you will accept and support that decision. They have chosen the single person they care most about in the world and they want to spend the rest of their life with. Most of the time, a significant amount of thought and soul-searching probably went into this decision. If you presume that your opinion is THAT valid - and that important to them - to alter that decision they took under such serious consideration, you better have a damn good reason to think so. Or, I repeat, shut your mouth. But really, stop and think about why it's so important to you. Ask yourself why you care so much, you're not marrying the person! If your friend is making a bad decision, hey, that's their cross to bear and their problem to deal with down the road. At this point, you should be happy for them and give them the best chance at having not only a happy engagement and wedding, but a happy marriage. I believe the people who really need to know this are probably not reading this blog. They probably don't have the first idea about tact, let alone marriage or relationships on any level for that matter! But there it is, my current biggest pet peeve. And the end of this rant.


So this Lady may be a little less classy right at this moment for venting about this, in this way, but I really needed to - so thank you for listening.

Topic #2 is going to have to wait, because I'm exhausted, and I need my beauty sleep for our engagement shoot with Tess J tomorrow! (Photo credit for the top of this blog goes to her. I love love love her work and am SO excited to shoot with her again and hopefully have her do our wedding! www.tessjphotography.com) It's going to be in Ogunquit, in the cold and the snow, where we got engaged, so you will all get to relive the moment with me. SO excited!!

Ready set venue!

So now that I actually have people reading my blog (skyrocketed from about 40 page views (which were probably mostly me while getting it set up) to 130 since I shared the link on facebook yesterday - woo hoo!), I figured I would use it to do a little market research and reap some benefits - other than just stress relief and the enjoyment of chronicling this process.

I don't know about any of you, but I constantly feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. It's not just that I can't get done what I need/have to do, it's that I never feel like I have (or always feel guilty for taking) the time to do the stuff I want to do ... just for ME. Even if it is watch an entire day's worth of a Law & Order: SVU or Sex & the City marathon, and not bother to eat any form of a proper meal. I will admit, I am probably better than most women at talking myself into how I deserve to a) be a lazy bum, or b) get that dress/pair of shoes/new makeup/facial. But I do still feel guilty (at least a little) just about every time I do it. And thus the whole drill of taking that time or doing that special something for myself becomes somewhat wasted.

Back to the need/have to do, though. As mentioned in a previous post, I am not a morning person, so any time I have before work, as far as I'm concerned, does not count. I work 9-6 Monday through Friday, and sometimes on Saturdays, and most days I don't really take a lunch break unless I actually need to run an errand downtown or I forget food and have to go out to get something before I starve. By the time I get home most days, it's almost 6:30, I'm fairly mentally exhausted, and of course Johnny, who gets out of work around 4, is starving. I usually am too, due to that whole not taking a proper lunch thing I do. Between making dinner, cleaning up, and just thinking about the chores I should do to get/keep the house clean, or stay on top of our laundry, I'm exhausted about that before I even make it up the stairs and change out of my work clothes. Then there is the small matter of things I basically never have time to do (constant source of stress & anxiety), because apparently most people don't have jobs during normal business hours (?) - such as, register my car, state inspection, register my dog (yes, really.), drop off or pick up dry cleaning, get my car fixed, oil changed, trash to the dump (ok, I don't really do that, Johnny does, but still their hours are limited) ... and the list goes on. Did I mention grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, teeth cleanings, filling prescriptions, getting the dog groomed, getting my own hair cut, working out (ha.ha.ha.), doing my taxes... and so on, and so forth, et cetera, et cetera .... and altogether now, one collective, AHHHH!

Okay, so you know what I'm talking about, right? Because whether you are 25 or 45, whether you have a job (or 2 or 3), are in school, have a significant other, pets, children, or all of the above, seriously, how do we EVER find time to add ONE MORE THING?! But we do. And for me, now, it is planning a wedding. Which overall is exciting, but definitely overwhelming, and to get to my point, I really could use all the help and advice I can get! 

So here's the deal. I made a list of the top ten (or just ten) reception venues in the York area that I (we) feel semi-remotely to very interested in checking out. Since we are trying to get this whole venue/date thing figured out as soon as possible, I thought I would turn to you, the internet, my friends, whoever you are reading this, and ask for your input on these places, if you happen to have some. Whether you know me or not, or know anything about what Johnny & I might want for our wedding... Whether you've had a wedding, been to a wedding, visited the place while planning your wedding, or just happen to feel like you know something about it, I would love to hear your opinions and advice. Anything that will narrow down our search (like - don't even bother checking that place out it's absurdly expensive, or they only let you use chairs with those awful chair cover things) will be greatly appreciated. Because I doubt you can get me that more-hours-in-the-day thing that would actually be of the greatest benefit. ;)

Without further ado, in no particular order, 10 places Sara & Johnny might just possibly consider having their wedding reception in 2012:

1. Greystone Manor, Cape Neddick, large property overlooking the ocean, with a view of Nubble Light

2. Clay Hill Farm

3. Union Bluff Meeting House

4. York Harbor Inn

5. Cliff House Resort & Spa

6. Dockside Guest Quarters

7. Stage Neck Inn

8. York Golf & Tennis Club

9. York Harbor Reading Room

10. The Fairbourne, a classic Maine antique oceanfront home on Shore Road in Cape Neddick, available for weekly vacation rental in the summer (next to St. Peter's-by-the-Sea, which is the church we are considering for the ceremony)

Ready... set... commmmment! and thanks in advance!

Jack & Dorothy

As Long As We Both Shall Live

An interview with Johnny's grandparents, Jack & Dorothy Lewis, on marriage, which I just stumbled across online. So lovely, I had to share.

And to think, I get to wear her ring, which saw them through 60 years of marriage, and a whole lot of life. I can only hope & pray we will last as long, love as dearly, and laugh just as much.

Because that is what it's all about.

♥

Weekend = Wedding = Stress

And so it begins.


I love how I didn't even have the time or energy to make this post until Wednesday. When I wrote on Saturday, I was feeling "stressed out" by the fact that I had too much time, and wasn't at the point where I could make any decisions. .... yeah... that stress got a lot more real, real quickly this weekend. I feel like all I thought about, and all I can still think about, is wedding...and getting it all figured out...and doing it right. now. right now.


As I hit "Publish Post" and headed for the shower, excited to go try on dresses for the first time, my phone rang. It was the owner of Grey Stone, a late-nineteenth century mansion overlooking the ocean on the road I grew up on in Cape Neddick, and currently our first choice of venue for our reception. I had left him a message at a number I found online (since it's a private residence, there's no official site or other information on the web) - not expecting to hear for awhile, because the house is of course closed up at this time of year. He informed me that he was actually more than half booked for summer 2012 - no dates left in July or August - and if we were really interested, we'd better come have a look and reserve a date as soon as possible.


Being the spaz that I am, this sent me into super-stress overload, my mind reeling, especially when I found out how much it cost just to rent the property for the weekend - nothing else included. We set up an appointment for the following day, and I hurried to get ready or my dad to pick me up for the dress appointment. (To add to the craziness, my car is in the shop for repairs after a little fender-bender I had around Thanksgiving, and hadn't had a chance to take care of yet. Being a one car couple has never really worked for us...)


The dress shopping experience was not at all what I was imagining. The consultant was great, and really nice, but I quickly realized two very important, and very bubble-bursting, things: a lot of the dresses and details I thought I would love, I actually don't at all (not on me, or not on my wedding dress anyway) and the kind of dress I now realize I want, is probably so far outside my budget, I don't really have any desire to put on another wedding gown for quite some time. De-press-ing.


Now please don't get me wrong, I know there are plenty of gorgeous wedding dresses out there, at very reasonable price points. I also know that what we are looking to spend on my dress is not anything to frown at. BUT, I know myself and I know I have always had expensive taste, for better or worse. I also have always pictured myself in something along the lines of a traditional ballgown, which tends to be a pricier silhouette... bigger dress=more fabric=bigger price tag. Every dress I put on Saturday underwhelmed me. I mean, I liked some of them, but I want to love my dress. I want to feel like a bride. You are supposed to, right? Or at least supposed to feel something???


Maybe I went into it with the wrong attitude. Maybe I was upset because of the phone call and realizing we really need to get on the ball choosing a venue and a date ASAP. Now that I've gotten a little more information, I realize we DO NOT have plenty of time when it comes to that aspect of planning a wedding in this area. Apparently, everyone is planning this far in advance, especially because this is a prime location for weddings - both for people who live here, and people who want destination weddings on the coast of Maine.


Another problem is that both Johnny & I as well as my parents have a lot going on right now, so I haven't been pushing the issue of laying down a plan of attack, setting a budget, and prioritizing the things we really should do now, as opposed to closer to the actual wedding. When I do start pushing it, everyone is getting upset, and stressed out, and basically rebelling. Instead of being excited, it's a sea of no's and not yet's and what's the big deal, we've got 20 months.


So we looked at Grey Stone Sunday - me, Johnny, mom, dad, and his mom - but with what the guy wants for it, we have to at least look at other venues and find out costs before we commit to that. I have this vision of a beautiful, outdoor, tented wedding, overlooking the ocean, evening, candles everywhere..... and I know neither one of us wants a cookie-cutter hotel/typical wedding venue reception. The guy at Grey Stone kept saying, "The good thing is, you can do whatever you want, and the bad thing is, you can do whatever you want." Which means, yes, you have a lot more choice and freedom with a venue like that, but you also have to make all those choices, and, of course, pay for them. If we went to Clay Hill Farm, York Harbor Inn, or what have you, a lot of the options would be limited by what they have on hand, and the preferred vendors they require us to use. It's not really what we want, but it certainly involves fewer headaches, and in the end, it seems, a much lower price tag. I know my parents especially have some major (and legitimate) concerns about going ahead with Grey Stone, but at this point, it is still what I have been picturing, and I don't want to give up on that dream, that vision, if you will, just yet.


One last issue is the potential size of our guest list. We have a lot of family, and having both grown up around here, we know a lot of people locally. I also want to be able to invite at least some friends from my college years, because I feel like that was such an important part of my life. So I am obsessing over figuring out a preliminary number, trying to get everyone on board with a wedding of that size, and making sure we choose a venue that can accommodate the number of people we want to invite.


That's probably enough for today. Now I know exactly why I titled this blog "just breathe." And that is exactly what I'm going to keep doing until next weekend, when I return to wedding mode. Hopefully this weekend there will be less stress involved... but if not, there is always wine!

Back to business.

This week felt awfully long in comparison to the last few - in fact, I think it was my first full work week since before our vacation in January - which also now seems like a century - and 10 feet of snow - ago.

I'm not very good at this blogging thing. Besides the fact that I haven't posted in a few days, I haven't stuck to my topic very well here. So today it's back to the business of talking about this whole wedding thing.

With our tentative date of September 2012, our wedding is still almost 20 months away. Most people in the wedding planning process are looking at 2011 dates, pricing, etc. and I've already run into a couple of issues with actually reserving a date/location this far in advance. It's silly, because you would think with all this time, I wouldn't feel stressed or pressured at all, but the fact that I haven't set an "official" date and can't really make any decisions are this point is very difficult for type-A me. I beginning to believe the bride of the longest-engagement-ever who told me last year "6 months or less. trust me. you do. not. want. a. long. engagement." What it does, is perpetuate the overwhelming feeling of having everything left to do...  everything still up in the air... no answers to the thousands of questions everyone in the world is asking me... I'm ready to start checking things of lists! Give me a pen, give me a budget, give me a break!

That said, I am trying to enjoy the engagement phase of the process. My first order of business was to contact a photographer to set up an engagement shoot. I knew exactly who I wanted to photograph my wedding as soon as I met her. Last spring, a friend told me about a woman up in the Portland area who did Modern Boudoir photography. I thought it would be a lot of fun and a great gift to Johnny. I contacted Tess, decided to do it, and had an amazing experience.  I also became totally obsessed with all of her work, photography, and art. I absolutely loved the results of my shoot, and more importantly, felt like I really clicked with her. I knew after meeting her, and after seeing Johnny's reaction to my images, that she would be the perfect person to shoot our wedding. I was so sure I wanted her, I contacted her the day after we got engaged to tell her (she also loves to find out when clients get engaged after shooting with her!) and ask her to put us on her list of 2012 wedding clients.

With such a long engagement, one of the things we can do is an engagement announcement, since save-the-dates won't be happening for quite some time, and my immediate vision was to do two sets of engagement photos - one in the winter, to commemorate our engagement on Christmas Day in the snow, and and another set later on, in spring or summer, that encapsulates our personalities, how our relationship began, and more what the feel of our wedding will be. I'd love to send out an official engagement announcement, as well as put it in the local papers, so I wanted to set up a shoot right away so we'll have a fabulous picture for this purpose! Plus I just love pictures, and want as many great ones from this happy time in our life as possible.

Then there is the matter of an engagement party. We both agreed we wanted to have a great, fun party to celebrate this step in our lives, especially where the wedding itself is so far away. We're thinking something very us and very different from what we plan the wedding to be. Probably something more casual, along the lines of lobster/clam bake, in true Maine fashion. We're right at the beginning planning phases, but you can be sure it'll be a good time when it happens.

So these are the things I am currently focused on, in addition to the dress, of course! It's never too early to start looking for the dress. I have a LOT of ideas about what I do and don't like, but I'm really not sure what things are going to look like on me, or what I'm going to end up with. But you have to start somewhere, and today I will do just that, with my first appointment at Madeleine's Daughter in Portsmouth. Wish me luck!

Too early.

This morning I woke up around 5:30. At 6 A.M. I decided to stop tossing and turning and just embrace being awake at this time of day.


I am not a morning person. I usually drag myself out of bed sometime between 7 and 8 after hitting the snooze button at least once or twice (if not four or five times). I don't have to be at work until 9, but I don't function well much before 10AM no matter what, so I actually need a good hour to hour and a half to get myself going and get ready. Since I work in a professional retail store, I do also try to look nice. My general opinion is, just in case that $10,000 diamond customer comes in today, I'd really like to look like I respect them and their money enough to bother putting some effort into my appearance.


Anyway, this week is really stressing me out, which I imagine is why I suddenly found myself wide awake at 5:30 in the morning. I can't say that it's one thing, or that it's anything major, it's kind of everything, every little thing. Have you ever seen the Sex & the City episode where Carrie keeps suddenly waking up in the middle of the night feeling like something is wrong, but she can't for the life of her figure out what it is that's been forgotten, left undone, or in any way should be bothering her? It's kind of like that, just a little less dramatic. And it's not that there's anything undone, it's that there is so so much to do, and I don't feel so much in control of it, as it is in control of me.


I would expand on that, but I'm thinking the best thing to do is to just get going on this day and that laundry list of to-do's stressing me out. I'm always wishing for more hours in the day, so I guess here's my chance to get a few extra precious minutes that I would normally be spending battling with my alarm.

Sigh of relief.

It's the weekend! Okay, so this really wasn't a very difficult week, but I'm always happy when Friday night rolls around, if for no other reason than that I am obsessed with watching Say Yes to the Dress and Four Weddings! Johnny calls the former, "Say No to the Show" and everything else on TLC (aka "The Freak Channel") complete garbage. So I watch upstairs with a glass of wine, while he plays xbox. typical.

Anyway, thanks to Zicam, I am feeling almost 100% better. This may have been my shortest cold in history, I'm happy to report. Especially, because we will be attending the Winter Wine Festival at the Wentworth by the Sea tonight for the second year in a row. Last winter, I heard about it through my friend Leah Grace, and we decided to try it out. It's a bit pricey for a couple our age and on our budget, but I made a point to put some of my holiday overtime earnings toward it, because we truly love good food and wine, and don't really go out that much, for the aforementioned reasons. Well, it was totally worth it. Fab-u-lous. The dinner we chose featured wines from the Chilean vintner Lapostolle and the food was prepared by the executive chef from the White Barn Inn in Kennebunk. It's a four-course meal, with a cocktail hour and passed hors d'œuvres before. Ours ended up actually being a five-course meal, because the family that owns Lapostolle is descendant from the makers of Grand Marnier, so that was served with some chocolates and petit fours after the dessert course. It was a wonderful experience and introduced me to a new favorite variety of wine, Carménère, which is the "lost grape of Bordeaux. Delish. Try it if you haven't. There are some reasonable bottles often on sale at the NH Liquor store.

Anyway, this year Leah & I decided we should go to it together. She & her boyfriend Scott had gone to a different dinner and also had a great experience, but we both found we were the youngest people there by about 20 years. Yes, sometimes we do worry we are ridiculous and act like 40-year-olds... but oh well! We love wine! And the Wentworth is really nice, so it's fun to have a little mini-vacay close to home. With all that wine, we plan to stay the night there, even though we live close. They have a special rate for the Wine Fest, so it's not too unreasonable. We chose this dinner tonight because it features Italian wines and cheeses (yum!). I haven't seen Leah since right after Christmas, or Scott since Halloween (they both live in Boston these days), so it will be fun to hang out with them again!

Planning fun things like this, even once a month, is what gets us through the winter doldrums around here. This year has been particularly bad with snow and ice, and with our engagement, and the trip to Denver last month, things have been a little crazy for us. Our house is a total mess and completely unorganized. It just feels like we're too busy to keep to our normal routine and feel sane! 

On that note, I need to get some chores & errands done before the fun begins tonight. Happy Weekend to all and check out the Winter Wine Festival if you haven't heard of it - there are a few weeks left, and they do it every year. Some of the proceeds always go to charity, so in addition to being fun, delicious, and educational, it's a good cause!


The Winter Wine Festival at the Wentworth By the Sea 

The moment.

Today I am back at work after a day & a half snow/sick time off. I don't feel great, but I've felt worse. I'm mostly feeling a little loopy from taking both a dayquil type medicine and cough/congestion syrup. I've also been taking that Zicam homeopathic stuff like it's candy. It's supposed to shorten the length and lessen the severity of your cold if you start taking it at the first sign you're coming down with something. I have to say, I think it does work, because this cold doesn't seem as bad as what I usually get at least once or twice a year. 

Anyway, since I really must get on top of some work here (even though I did bring some home and get it done), I'm going to post the story of our proposal today, as told to my sorority sisters in our yearly pledge class email update. I loved reading all of their updates, especially because many of them also got engaged in the last year. As we always say... KO's really ARE the girls you marry! I really miss those awesome girls! ♥  So I was inspired to remember as much as I could from that amazing day, and write it down. Because, as I'll explain later, at the time I was in such shock, so overwhelmed, and excited, most of it just went right over my head. Surprisingly, a lot of the details have come back to me over time, but at first when people asked me about it, all I could remember were the major things. Where we were. He got on his knee. He gave me a ring. Those are pretty much the most important things - but here's a little more of the good stuff.

On Christmas morning, I woke up relatively early & tired from a busy holiday season at the jewelry store - relieved but a little bummed, as I always am, that it was all over. As usual, I went way overboard on Christmas presents for Johnny... While he got me exactly what I asked for - but not the MAJOR thing I'd been asking for for quite some time. I was working really hard at not being disappointed - because I really was not expecting a proposal (even though about a million people had asked me if it was happening). We had been talking about marriage for a long time, but were in agreement that it's wasn't quite the right time yet and it was probably cheesy to propose on Christmas anyway. But, after a month of 60+ hour weeks on my feet I was a little burnt out and emotional, and had had the tiniest hope maybe it would happen after all. 
 

Seeing my disappointment, he immediately switched gears to, "we've got to go meet my dad for coffee." That was when things got weird. First of all, it was still relatively early. But he told me his dad really didn't want to be alone on Christmas morning, which was perfectly understandable. Second, I thought his dad had said breakfast - and at his house, but Johnny told me we were meeting him for coffee... at some place in Ogunquit. This really did not seem logical at all. Me being me, I started peppering him with questions because none of it made sense. He's a pretty terrible liar, but convinced me to shut up and go get dressed. At this point I started getting a bit excited, but was still trying not to get my hopes up. During the 20 minute drive, I continued being a pain in the butt with questions like why was this place open before 10AM on Christmas day and why did his dad want to meet in Ogunquit, not Portsmouth which would have been closer to his house. When he refused to answer these questions (or gave unsatisfactory answers) I reverted to typical annoying girlfriend behavior - wondering aloud what we should name our children and such. Looking back, I feel a little bad for giving him such a hard time when he was probably all nerves! (I didn't think much of it at the time, but I had put a nip of whiskey in Johnny's stocking. When he opened it (mind you at roughly 8 in the morning), he immediately dumped the entire thing into his coffee. This is very atypical behavior for a guy who gives me a hard time about putting Bailey's in my coffee on the weekends, but I now know why he did that!)

He of course drove right past the place we were supposedly going. When I mentioned this, he went "oh crap!" and whipped the truck back around, but then turned off the road.... at this point my heart was pounding because I figured it really was happening, and the rest is kind of a blur. We got out of the truck near the Marginal Way, a beautiful path/hike along the ocean we'd often ridden to on his motorcycle when we were first dating. We went there a lot and there was one time we went at night, sat on this bench, looking at the stars & talking about the future. It was right before I was going to move out to California for about 7 months, we would be apart, and we weren't sure how the relationship was going to work out. He had said something that night along the lines of how someday we'd be looking back and remember that night, that summer and everything...... Well three years later, he led me to that same bench and got down on his knee in the snow. I immediately started crying and shaking (it was pretty cold after all!) and he said all those lovely things that are said in a proposal, about not being able to imagine his life with anyone else, being excited for our future, and taking care of me and our family someday. He pulled out a very old jewelry box I had never seen before and asked me to do him the honor of being his wife and taking his grandmother's engagement ring (which I knew nothing about until that moment). I think I nodded, and he said well, let's get this thing on you and get out of the cold! 

Someone told me about six months ago, that when about to be proposed to, she and many people she knew said they had essentially blacked out, and not really taken in what was said or what was happening. That is EXACTLY what happened to me! I was nervous as we walked to the bench. I was completely and totally freaked out, a feeling I hadn't expected to feel right before being asked to marry the man I love. I remember feeling kind of dizzy and overwhelmed - just in complete and total shock. I suddenly felt super awkward, despite being with the person who probably knows me best in this world! I didn't know what to do with myself, but remember making a silly comment about the bench having snow & ice on it and not being able to sit down. When I turned to find him on his knee, I was speechless. Literally. (which is a great feat for me!) The crazy thing was how well he had pulled it off - he's lucky I'm so oblivious - the surprise, the timing, the ring. It was exactly what I wanted, but what I thought would never be possible given my career and involvement at the store, the fact that I had essentially told him exactly what I wanted, and the fact that I'd been waiting and hoping for it so long - I was afraid I'd taken all the romance out of it. He always said, though, that he would do it "in his own way" ... and that is exactly what he did. I could not have planned a more perfect proposal, a more perfect next step in our love story. With my love of jewelry, art history, and all things antique/vintage, as well as sentimental, I could never have dreamed up a more perfect engagement ring for me. This is how it was always meant to be. 

The surprise, the shock, and then the clarity I felt when it was all said and done, was greater than I ever could have imagined. I don't think it really hit me until about 10 minutes into the drive home, when I finally stopped crying and let in sink in... "We're engaged! We're getting married!" He must have thought I was pretty funny. "Well, yeah!" he said - not realizing how out of it - and over the moon - I was. We started making calls to our family. I burst into tears again as soon as I got my parents on the phone. Every call I heard him make - with his opening line of "She said yes!" - it became more real, and I became more giddy. I did have to keep reminding him (as I will forever now) that I never actually said yes - I just nodded. It's kind of how it's always been with us. He says something, or gives me that look, and I just go with it. I could let him drag me, kicking and screaming, or I could just let him win now. I know in the end, that I love him too much to ever really think twice. And I think he knows that too.

Snowy day.

I've always been drawn to the idea of blogging. I like writing, I like keeping journals, I like talking to myself. ha ha... no, really. It's kind of like a think-out-loud type of thing. It gets me in touch with what's going on with me. No one else really needs to hear it, or in this case, read it, but I want to write it down, because most of the time I'm such a spaz, I can't remember what I was thinking just a minute ago, let alone yesterday or last week.

I can't tell you how many journals I have started over the years, only to get distracted and move on. I love going back and reading them...I always wish there was more. I think part of the problem is that the physical act of writing I find difficult. It hurts my hand. And, if you know me, you know I talk and think fast. My hand just can't keep up with that. But typing? Oh so much easier. I love to get it all out quickly and then edit edit edit. Copy. Paste. Make it perfect.

So this blog. What's it about? I'm not sure. I've had a lot of ideas over the years about blogs I think I'd be great at. None of them really get my fire going, though. Like everything else, I would probably get bored, distracted, or run out of ideas and give up - move on. BUT, then it came to me. Keep a blog - read: online journal - of my engagement and wedding planning process. So that's the starting point, and we'll see where it goes.

Now, don't get me wrong, I hardly think I am the first person to come up with this idea. Oh no, I am sure many a bride-to-be has kept and is keeping now a blog detailing every decision, every emotional up and down, every moment of bliss and excitement with regard to planning her wedding. This blog probably will steer away from just wedding (especially given the length of our engagement), and into my normal life - dealing with the stress of trying to balance this whole wedding planning thing with my full-time job/career, staying close to friends & family, not ruining the relationship my fiancé & I have been building for the last 3 1/2 years, and all kinds of other stress, whatever comes my way... oh and maybe some non-stress-related items too. Hey, who knows? No, I'm kidding. Hopefully it won't be all about stress. I'd like to think part of this  is about sharing & preserving how happy I really am right now about all the great stuff that's going on in my life.

I've been dreaming about my wedding for many years. I love my fiancé, and knew he was "the one" for me, long before we were even a couple. And to be honest, I think the signs were there even longer before that. I'm scared and excited to plan and prepare for this once-in-a-lifetime experience. The most important day of my life up to this point. It's a big deal. It's a really really big deal. To me. I know some people will think I'm ridiculous. I know many people don't view their wedding or any wedding to be such a big deal. But to me, it's a big effing deal. And right now, it's super-overwhelming trying to figure how to get from here to there, how to make it perfect, perfect for us, pull it off, not break the bank, and make it memorable not only for ourselves, but for all the people we plan to involve along the way.

But I'm really excited. And that's why I'm going to write about it. Hopefully it will also help keep me organized, on track, and provide a release for some of the stress. Primarily though, I want to do this so that in 20 or 40 or 60 years, when all we have left are pictures, and our memories are getting rusty, I will be able to go back and remember as much as I can not just about the day, but all that went into the day - the day I'd been dreaming about since I was a little girl. The day that all my dreams came true.