Change of plans.

Major bummer of the day: our engagement shoot in Ogunquit with Tess today was canceled, because it's super windy and cold, which is a recipe for a crappy shoot. Not worth her time, our money, or the effort. On the plus side, I have a little more free time today, and can make it to a yoga class this afternoon, which is much needed.

Going back to what was supposed to be my second topic of discussion last night, I'm feeling very overwhelmed/frustrated/sad that it seems like the wedding I am imagining is completely out of reach for us. Why on earth do these things have to cost so much money? I hate money. I know I could just adjust my taste/expectations to require a different amount of money...but that is my point. I hate that I have to have to adjust, have to compromise, or have to be someone I'm not. Why can't I have a fairy godmother to just grant me the wedding of my dreams - turn a pumpkin into a tent and some dry chicken breasts into steak & lobster to feed 150 people?

I want to make it clear that I am not complaining about not having enough money to pay for the wedding. What I am complaining about is how much some of the things I want cost. There are certain things I understand why they cost a certain amount. There are other things I think are just ridiculous. There are also things I want that we happen to have ways I know we can probably cut the costs in half. The problem is the major things - the things that take the biggest chunks of the budget - are non-negotiable. The only way they are negotiable is by changing what I want. Change the venue, change the number of people on the guest list, change what we eat, or whether there is an open bar. To get what I want, the price is what the price is. And this frustrates me immensely. At this point, I know I am not done my research, and I am certainly open to adjusting my dream and my vision of our wedding, BUT if I were to stick with it, I am stuck. And I keep coming back to that. And feeling like crap about it.

The reason this came up is that I happened to run into Kate Parker at an event downtown last night. She is a wedding planner who does a lot of really nice, destination weddings in the area. I had contacted her before, because I see all her ads in the bridal mags we advertise in, and at first I had thought I would want/need a wedding planner, because of my schedule and stress level - and that I want everything to be just perfect for our day. I have since been told by many people that there is no need for a planner, and of course it is a lot of money to spend out of the budget just for that, so I have to consider whether I would rather put that toward my dress, more flowers, or what have you.

Well, I quickly realized in the conversation that besides that we can't really afford her on the budget we currently have, I probably can't/wouldn't want to use her, because you do have to use certain services/vendors through her, which both limits my options (hate that) and pushes the costs even higher (can't even go there). But, I picked her brain a little, and got some numbers to give me a better idea as to whether or not I'm completely out in left field here - and I am. That truly made me sick. As I was walking to my car, all I could do was start adding & subtracting all these numbers in my head, and laugh. It was helpful, but it was horribly depressing. Sorry, I wasted your time Kate, especially on your birthday (I found this out after I forced myself and a million questions on her), and the likelihood of us hiring you is slim to none. I'm pretty sure she knew that, and she was really nice about it anyway. So if you're rolling in the dough and want a swanky New England wedding done by a pro planner....check out Kate Parker Weddings!

Okay, enough about this bothersome budget topic. I'm letting it go, and going into the bridal show at Stage Neck/York Harbor Inn with an open mind tomorrow. I know the best way to cut costs is to choose an all in one venue (as opposed to the private property/tent option that is currently my ideal) and cut the guest list. The latter is definitely not off the table, but it's not completely on the table either. Johnny & I have to have a discussion about his cousins and our friends, and see what the final number is before we start making any drastic decisions. To me, every detail is important, but I would say that for both of us, the people we share that day with is of vital importance. Neither one of us is okay with leaving people out, leaving anyone feeling hurt or uncomfortable, or sacrificing the feeling of a big, fun, friendly wedding, just to serve filet instead of a buffet. So we shall see. I have heard guest list horror stories, but I think we are going to be okay. The truth of the matter is much of our guest list is coming from out of town, and may not even be able to come. So again, no drastic measures to be taken at this time.

Now, back to reality: laundry, bathroom cleaning, errands, and yoga for my sanity!