Weekend = Wedding = Stress

And so it begins.


I love how I didn't even have the time or energy to make this post until Wednesday. When I wrote on Saturday, I was feeling "stressed out" by the fact that I had too much time, and wasn't at the point where I could make any decisions. .... yeah... that stress got a lot more real, real quickly this weekend. I feel like all I thought about, and all I can still think about, is wedding...and getting it all figured out...and doing it right. now. right now.


As I hit "Publish Post" and headed for the shower, excited to go try on dresses for the first time, my phone rang. It was the owner of Grey Stone, a late-nineteenth century mansion overlooking the ocean on the road I grew up on in Cape Neddick, and currently our first choice of venue for our reception. I had left him a message at a number I found online (since it's a private residence, there's no official site or other information on the web) - not expecting to hear for awhile, because the house is of course closed up at this time of year. He informed me that he was actually more than half booked for summer 2012 - no dates left in July or August - and if we were really interested, we'd better come have a look and reserve a date as soon as possible.


Being the spaz that I am, this sent me into super-stress overload, my mind reeling, especially when I found out how much it cost just to rent the property for the weekend - nothing else included. We set up an appointment for the following day, and I hurried to get ready or my dad to pick me up for the dress appointment. (To add to the craziness, my car is in the shop for repairs after a little fender-bender I had around Thanksgiving, and hadn't had a chance to take care of yet. Being a one car couple has never really worked for us...)


The dress shopping experience was not at all what I was imagining. The consultant was great, and really nice, but I quickly realized two very important, and very bubble-bursting, things: a lot of the dresses and details I thought I would love, I actually don't at all (not on me, or not on my wedding dress anyway) and the kind of dress I now realize I want, is probably so far outside my budget, I don't really have any desire to put on another wedding gown for quite some time. De-press-ing.


Now please don't get me wrong, I know there are plenty of gorgeous wedding dresses out there, at very reasonable price points. I also know that what we are looking to spend on my dress is not anything to frown at. BUT, I know myself and I know I have always had expensive taste, for better or worse. I also have always pictured myself in something along the lines of a traditional ballgown, which tends to be a pricier silhouette... bigger dress=more fabric=bigger price tag. Every dress I put on Saturday underwhelmed me. I mean, I liked some of them, but I want to love my dress. I want to feel like a bride. You are supposed to, right? Or at least supposed to feel something???


Maybe I went into it with the wrong attitude. Maybe I was upset because of the phone call and realizing we really need to get on the ball choosing a venue and a date ASAP. Now that I've gotten a little more information, I realize we DO NOT have plenty of time when it comes to that aspect of planning a wedding in this area. Apparently, everyone is planning this far in advance, especially because this is a prime location for weddings - both for people who live here, and people who want destination weddings on the coast of Maine.


Another problem is that both Johnny & I as well as my parents have a lot going on right now, so I haven't been pushing the issue of laying down a plan of attack, setting a budget, and prioritizing the things we really should do now, as opposed to closer to the actual wedding. When I do start pushing it, everyone is getting upset, and stressed out, and basically rebelling. Instead of being excited, it's a sea of no's and not yet's and what's the big deal, we've got 20 months.


So we looked at Grey Stone Sunday - me, Johnny, mom, dad, and his mom - but with what the guy wants for it, we have to at least look at other venues and find out costs before we commit to that. I have this vision of a beautiful, outdoor, tented wedding, overlooking the ocean, evening, candles everywhere..... and I know neither one of us wants a cookie-cutter hotel/typical wedding venue reception. The guy at Grey Stone kept saying, "The good thing is, you can do whatever you want, and the bad thing is, you can do whatever you want." Which means, yes, you have a lot more choice and freedom with a venue like that, but you also have to make all those choices, and, of course, pay for them. If we went to Clay Hill Farm, York Harbor Inn, or what have you, a lot of the options would be limited by what they have on hand, and the preferred vendors they require us to use. It's not really what we want, but it certainly involves fewer headaches, and in the end, it seems, a much lower price tag. I know my parents especially have some major (and legitimate) concerns about going ahead with Grey Stone, but at this point, it is still what I have been picturing, and I don't want to give up on that dream, that vision, if you will, just yet.


One last issue is the potential size of our guest list. We have a lot of family, and having both grown up around here, we know a lot of people locally. I also want to be able to invite at least some friends from my college years, because I feel like that was such an important part of my life. So I am obsessing over figuring out a preliminary number, trying to get everyone on board with a wedding of that size, and making sure we choose a venue that can accommodate the number of people we want to invite.


That's probably enough for today. Now I know exactly why I titled this blog "just breathe." And that is exactly what I'm going to keep doing until next weekend, when I return to wedding mode. Hopefully this weekend there will be less stress involved... but if not, there is always wine!