It's November already?!

How did this happen? I am baffled. Remember that commitment I made to blogging again and not dropping off the face of the earth? Utter fail.

Today marks exactly 10 MONTHS until the big day. Things in my life have been happening and moving and shaking up quite a bit in a big way... except with regard to this old wedding. I try and I try, to remember to focus and to think about getting things done... but we are still in pretty much the exact same place we were when I last posted with the exception of a) having had the engagement party, b) meeting with one wedding planner/coordinator, which after aforementioned engagement party I realized I absolutely DO need to hire, and c) finding the most fabulous new registry website with the most perfect china pattern combo ever, thank you Abby Larson, editor of Style Me Pretty, you have made my life. Oh actually, now that I think of it, Lucy (MOH), my mom, and I did one bmaid dress shopping mission in September... which was helpful but only to a point, as I really wasn't ready to make a decision, didn't have any of the other girls there for in put, and really did not like the woman who worked with us that night at Madeleine's Daughter.

Anywho, this weekend I plan to get together with two of my lovely bridesmaids, Emily & Katelynn, in Boston, and do a little more dress shopping and various other wedding brainstorming. Johnny & I have also made a commitment to try to get our sh** together and get some stuff taken care of before the craziness of the holiday season sets in. Wish us luck & I will try to keep you posted!

Until then... here's to hopefully no more freak early snowstorms to screw up any of these well-laid plans!

I need a rum swizzle... or maybe something a little stronger.

Okay, people, I'll make it short and sweet. I suck at writing this blog, but after recently reading a great book about wedding planning and mental meltdowns while on vacation, I really want to get back on track blogging this whole wedding planning process - along with the rest of my life. (The book is How I Planned Your Wedding by Susan Wiggs and Elizabeth Wiggs Maas, fyi.)

This summer has been complete and total craziness. And I mean that in the way of: I kind of want to laugh, cry, and throw up a little when I look back on it. It's not that it was all bad, per se, it was just um, not what I was planning on... per se. In retrospect, really, all I can say is, what were we thinking? What was I thinking? I feel like at 25 (now 26, and not adjusting well), I really should have known better.

I will attempt, at another time, to fill you in on the details of the lovely errr interesting experience the past 4 months of my life have been, the good, the bad, and the ugly, at a later date. Today is my first day back at work after our MUCH anticipated and AMAZING Bermuda vacation, and oh boy has it been a day. I have absolutely no energy or desire to even attempt to wrap my brain around what to do with my last 18 minutes of work, let alone what I should have been doing for the past 8 1/2 hours of it. I think the correct phrase is... tomorrow is another day.

The point of this post is to say: I haven't completely dropped off the face of the earth, and I do intend to re-commence blogging in the not too distant future (I hope).... or as soon as I stop hyperventilating into a paper bag/considering stabbing myself in the eye with a dull butter knife/or walking into traffic. Here's a brief synopsis of the last couple weeks and the couple weeks to come:

Week of July 24th: Go to NYC for a jewelry show and for an appointment at KLEINFELD where I did in fact say YES to a dress! (more on that to come!) Also, the photographer who I thought we had locked in (one of the first things I did after getting engaged) decided to bail on our engagement session less than 24 hours before...and our wedding entirely. Good, one more thing to put BACK on the list.

1st week of August: Decided to attempt to plan the engagement party we planned all along to have this summer but somehow never got around to until less than a month before - despite the fact that between us and my parents we were pretty much only going to be home a week and a half between now and the potential party. Also, major meltdown with the living situation, decided we pretty much need to move asap - for everyone's sanity, especially mine. Commence a few arguments with fiancé over whether we could afford to move and all that other good stuff.

2nd week of August: Pack for vacation, try to catch up at work (impossible) where I have been behind all summer since the Las Vegas show in June and having multiple new employees start and need training. Engagement party plans. Look at apartments. P.S. there are SLIM pickings in Portsmouth - especially if you have a dog, and no money. yay. not.

3rd week of August: VACATION! Bermuda = amazing. Best vacation of our lives. Actually, it's the only REAL vacay we have ever taken together, every other trip has revolved around family, weddings, or some other commitment type deal. We finagle vacations out of obligations, but this one was just. for. us. and it rocked. Then it rained, and I kind of had a meltdown due to the overwhelming stress of coming home to deal with work, the engage party, moving, and whatever else the universe has in store for me. Oh, and I got a sun rash. Which was awfully itchy and unpleasant, and contributed to aforementioned meltdown.

Today: An employee abruptly resigns (well I knew about it as of last night). Got to work and the computer decided to malfunction, my keyboard batteries died, and shock upon shock I had a million other things to do/catch up on. Also, rather frustrating message from family member who thinks they didn't get invited to the engagement party. Ughhhhh awkwardness. Especially since they sent the message to my work... and it wasn't the only message so it seemed to be a pretty big issue.... Anyway. Secured apartment in Portsmouth! Hooray! Lease signed & security deposit paid, bank account drained, but at least it is something I don't have to worry about. Basically accomplished zero due to computer problem, getting things squared away with the apartment and then working with a custom customer for a couple hours with the jeweler. On the plus side, they gave a deposit and went ahead with a big project! Awesome!

This Thursday: Fiancé's birthday, SIL & nephew arrive for a visit!
This Saturday: Engagement party
1st week of September: MOVE
2nd week: Wedding of a couple friends
....and a lot of work... somewhere in there....

Whew, I'm exhausted just thinking about it - and that was the short version. As you can see, I've been busy, and right this very minute is no exception. It's time to call it a day, but I hope to be back sooner rather than later this time.

Home at last.

Yes, it's true, my blog has gone where blogs go to die... the realms of one post (or less) per month... with a writer who keeps forgetting she even has it. 

The truth of the matter is that the last two months have brought a lot of change, stress, travel, and just STUFF going on in my life, and I just haven't had the time, or brain power, to keep up with posting. Or wedding planning, for that matter.

But now we are home - settled relatively nicely, and completely, into our current home, and home, literally, from our last trip, at least for the next eight weeks. After seeing a wedding happen this weekend, we both realized we need and want to get on the ball with our own wedding plans, and plan to start having weekly wedding planning meetings with each other and our families when necessary. 

I have other things to share - such as deets on my trip to Vegas, a visit to Priscilla of Boston, and Dani & Jay's wedding this past weekend in Chattanooga - but unfortunately I am still playing catch up to the massive amounts of work I came home to after Vegas. It will have to wait. But I'm home, and I'm still here, and there will be more of a blog at some point in the as yet undetermined future .... right now, I'm just still catching my breath.

Teaser pic from Dani's wedding weekend in Chattanooga.

I didn't take any pics, but hopefully some other people did & there will be more to come!

At long last...

...I get back to blogging! Oh my goodness, it has been a month since I so much as checked in to my blog and caught up on the blogs I follow, let alone thought about writing a post. It's been a whirlwind, people, let me tell you.


First of all: Moving SUCKS. If you've done it any time in recent history, you are probably aware of this fact. The situation, in our case, was made all the worse by three things. 1. We both moved into our former apartment rather quickly, and at different and both very busy times in our life (me, right before the start of the retail holiday season, and Johnny right around the time of his college graduation). 2. We combined two people's lives and different apartments, two very eclectic collections of, for lack of a better way to put it, crap we had each accumulated over the years from hand-me-downs, buying cheaply, and outfitting a variety of different college dorm rooms and starter apartments along the way. 3. We had a HUGE place, with ample storage space, and thus no need to bother sorting through or getting rid of any of this crap over the course of the 2 1/2 years we inhabited the apartment. We just kept stuffing it in corners and closets and cupboards and the garage. During the move, we just kept finding this STUFF everywhere. Every time we thought we were "done", there was MORE. It was AWFUL. The situation was further aggravated by the fact that we moved into someone else's, completely furnished, home, and had nowhere to put all this stuff, especially our own rather cumbersome pieces of furniture (enough to outfit a large, 3-story, 3-bedroom condo) along with all that other crap I mentioned.


Let me tell you another thing about moving. Part way through the process, you start to feel like certain things really aren't worth the effort to move. Unfortunately, sometimes these things also are not worth the hassle of getting rid of either. It leaves one quite snugly between a rock and hard place. It's harder than you might think to cast off your used crap - even at the Freebie Barn at the dump or Goodwill. I mean, seriously? I didn't think our stuff was THAT bad! Luckily we have a friend who lives on Rt. 1 in York, who has been kind enough on multiple occasions to let Johnny dump things at the end of his driveway for sale or for free, and thankfully, all of these things eventually do disappear. Let this be a lesson to you: Do NOT accept (or buy) things you don't really want, and for the long term. Just because you have a place to put it, or need something to put in that place, or think, "hey, we might like having this someday," does not mean it needs to or should come into your home. If you don't want to or can't imagine lugging it up or down multiple flights of stairs, onto and off of a moving truck, maybe up to a new bedroom, where it doesn't work, so down to a basement to store it and then you will just move it again the next time you move... I realize this is a terrible run on sentence, but my point is... consider the future of any item before putting it in your present! Did that make sense? I must admit, I am quite the little consumer, but this move has really made me reevaluate some of these priorities and consider the art of a downsizing one I might want to take a little more to heart.


With the move now fully complete, and nearly a month lived in our new, temporary home, we are finally settled in, and dealing with the reality of living under a parent's roof again - along with trying to quickly get on top of our finances, the whole purpose of this move. There are definitely some major pros and cons to this situation, and as expected, it has proved more challenging for Johnny than for me. We are some days teetering on the brink of needing to get out of here ASAP, other days remembering our long term goals and realizing we just have to "take one for the team" and power through the difficult times.


Rudy, also as expected, has never been happier. He spends the better part of his days frolicking outside, enjoying the expansive property, keeping watch, keeping birds and squirrels and any other mischief-makers at bay, as he guards his best buddy John's precious gardens. He also has a four-legged friend in Barrett, Susan's year and a half old yellow lab, who visits frequently on weekends, and certainly wears my little munchkin out for a good napping come Monday. He's established his look-out spot on the back of the comfy couch in the den, where the windows look out onto Garrison Drive and our driveway, so he can keep an eye on the comings and goings of both his family and the neighborhood. He has made the acquaintance of just about all the neighborhood walkers and their dogs, and, of course, asserted himself as the new top dog in the area. Obviously. I mean, he is a Yorkie after all, and has the typical gigantic personality, regardless of his petite stature.


With regard to wedding planning, a whole lot of nothing has been going on. It's been a crazy busy month, for many reasons in addition to the move, and just as things are starting to get in order, summer has decided to arrive, and I am off to Las Vegas tomorrow for 8 days for the jewelry shows. We go every year, usually leaving on Memorial Day, and on this trip we meet with many of our vendors, see new products, and do the majority of our inventory buying for the year. This will be my third year attending with my Dad and Diane, and this year the show has moved to Mandolay Bay at the other end of the strip than we have been used to. It should be an interesting experience, as always, particularly as we are attending with a bit of a different approach and buying plan than past years. While it is fun to go to Vegas, it is a lot of work while we are there, exhausting, and expensive (even though it's a work trip), and every year I have been very ready to get home at the end of it. Someday I'd really like to go to Vegas NOT for work, with Johnny, and actually do what most people do it Vegas. Tomorrow we do get in pretty early in the day though (only direct flight we could get), so I will be spending a few hours at the pool, working on my tan (I am SO pale, it's disgusting), and most likely with a cocktail in hand! Woo hoo!


This trip of course means that after a month of not posting, and more than month of not doing anything related to wedding planning (and by the way, we have now entered the "normal" length of engagement time of 12-15 months to go, so now I technically should really be getting started!), it will be another week or more before you hear from me again. That's life, though, what can you do?! So long, blog friends, I'm off to Vegas, baby!

Easter.

This morning I woke up in a fog. A sudafed & robitussin double-hangover to be exact. After packing, purging, organizing, reorganizing, and doing a few miscellaneous other chores all day yesterday, my back ached, my head throbbed, my ears, eyes, nose, and throat either itched or felt as though they were closing up (or both), and it was all I could do not to just fall into bed.


I've been struggling all day with the issue at the heart of my other recent post about religion and the Easter holiday we celebrated today. The "Jesus Christ Superstar Construction Crew", as I like to call them, informed Johnny earlier this week that "they" (you know, the good Christian folk of the world) refer to "us" (also known as, "not them") as "C & E's" - Christmas and Easters. As in, that's the only time people like "us" go to church - and thus, it doesn't mean anything. In fact, it's probably worse than not going at all! The funny thing is, I'm pretty sure I - and even my fiancé who doesn't believe in Jesus Christ per se - have a much better understanding of what it truly means to be a Christian - to live a life that not only glorifies God, but also all of His children, by emulating the lifestyles and teachings of Christ - than those jokers ever will.


In church this morning, we recited the Baptismal Covenant in lieu of the Nicene Creed. It was odd for me, because I was thinking about how Johnny has not been baptized. In the first section, we state our beliefs, in God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit. I thought, hmm. Does he mean it? Should he say it at all? I mean, just because he's here, he doesn't have to participate if he doesn't agree - or believe, in this case. But, as we moved into the second part, I starting thinking more about the guys he works with, who continually try to "save" him, but sure as you-know-what don't practice what they preach and overall, treat him like crap on a daily basis. In case you aren't familiar, there's a series of questions, and we answer, "I will with God's help" to each of them. I have highlighted the parts below that particularly bother me with regard to how these "Christians" treat not only my fiancé, but many others, including each other, without it seems, a second thought.


Celebrant   Will you continue in the apostles' teaching and
                 fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and
                 in the prayers?
People      I will, with God's help.
Celebrant   Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever
                 you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord.
People      I will, with God's help.
Celebrant   Will you proclaim by word and example the Good
                 News of God in Christ?
People      I will, with God's help.
Celebrant   Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving
                 your neighbor as yourself?
People      I will, with God's help.
Celebrant   Will you strive for justice and peace among all
                 people, and respect the dignity of every human being?
People      I will, with God's help.


As you can see, I encountered quite a few problems. First, about the sinning and the repenting. They're really big on this sin stuff. I mean, when it comes to everyone else. I gotta say, I don't really think that it works like, one time, you say, oh yeah, I know I'm a sinner, own up to it, accept that Jesus had to die for those sins, start going to church regularly and then, you're good with God. Simple as that. Umm no. It's slightly more complicated, in my opinion, and requires constant self-examination, and repentance for more than one and more than one type of sin. [i.e. not drinking at all isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card that lets you be a mean person instead.] Also, you're supposed to proclaim by word AND example. They seem to have the WORD part down pretty well... but you can't just go around telling everybody, accept Jesus, stopping sinning, and if you don't, you die. I don't think I have to explain too deeply how actions speak louder than words. I think it's pretty clear that someone constantly telling you you're a bad person for not being a Christian - or the right type of one at that - and also treating you like you a bad person all the time is not the best example of leading a Christian life. The same goes for SEEKING and SERVING Christ is ALL people and loving your neighbor as yourself. The little detail about respecting the dignity of all human beings? I'm just not even going to go there. 


I know Johnny doesn't love going to church. But he goes with me, from time to time, on the important holidays at least, because he knows it's important to me, and to my family. He respects my beliefs. He participates and encourages conversations that help us to flesh out both the similarities and differences in our particular religious and general world views. He is a kind person. He a good, decent, hard-working, compassionate man. He visits his 98-year-old grandfather on as regular a basis as he can, and worries himself over whether he is getting proper care and attention from the rest of the family as well as the caretakers at the nursing home where he lives. He goes out of his way to help and to be there for friends and family whenever they need it - even when it's incredibly inconvenient for them. He keeps an open mind, and is tolerant, but stands up for what he believes in. He can have a temper, and he makes mistakes from time to time, because he is human, after all, but he does what he can to always make things right. He does believe in a higher power, and he does believe that doing good and putting positive energy out in to the world comes back to you. So whether he calls that God, answers to the title of "Christian," or believes a story about a man named Jesus from a couple thousand years ago, doesn't really matter to me. Whatever you want to call it, I find he seeks and serves that energy, that goodness and dignity in all people, and upholds through his actions the moral and ethical standards that I believe apply to a "Christian" lifestyle. 


He would probably be embarrassed, and most likely, ticked off at me for writing all this stuff about him, but it's been nagging at me, the "conflict" of our religious views. It nags at me that the question of whether or not we'll get married in a church is still coming up, and it pisses me off that one of the reasons he seems to hold such a stigma around the concept of church is that these idiots make it look like such a terrible place that brainwashes you into being an asshole to everyone that doesn't exactly agree with you. [Yeah, I just swore.] Today I realized something, though, that there isn't a conflict, unless you make one. Those guys make it a conflict, but it doesn't have to be. As I said, whatever you want to call it, we're pretty much on the same page. Actually, in the opinion of the chosen ones, we're completely on the same page, because Episcopalians aren't really Christians anyway. Not good ones, that's for damn sure! 


We went to church today, but even if we hadn't, we spent Easter doing what I think Jesus and the Resurrection is all about. We were there for and with the people who we love, who love us, who gave us life, and who continue to give us life. We made time for them in our busy and stressful life, because that is what you do. We saw every single one of our immediate family members within reasonable distance, and even snuck in a quick visit with Grandpa Jack at Sentry Hill. Moving, packing, cleaning... yes, we have a lot of that to do and a crazy week ahead of us. Even when we don't have that going on, Sunday is our day. It's always our day to get stuff done or to just stay home and not have to worry about anything but each other. But it's Easter. You take time for fellowship, for family, for love, and for breaking bread together. You take time to stop and be thankful for what and who you have, and for the sometimes very simple routine of just being human. I don't honestly think God cares whether you go to an actual church as long as you remember what you're doing and why. Also, Jack & Dorothy were married over 60 years - one an Episcopalian, the other a staunch Atheist, to her grave from my understanding. So even if he reads this, and thinks it's a load of hogwash, we might still be okay!


I've gotten very deep this week. I think next week, besides spastic bursts of frantic packing, between work and other craziness, I will try to be significantly more shallow. Once the packing and moving and all that good stuff is out of the way, back to wedding planning/obsessing like it's my job! 

Moving.

Time to move. I wondered when this day would come, for awhile I seemed to be picking up and moving at least once or twice a year. The week of Thanksgiving in 2008, I moved into this not-so-humble abode in Kittery. I had to find a place ASAP, because I was starting back full time at the store for the holidays and there was no way I was moving back in with my parents. It was pretty slim pickings, so despite that it was way more space than I needed and more money than I wanted to spend on rent, I chose this 3-bedroom, somewhat awkwardly arranged, but overall huge and really nice condo in the shadow of the Piscataqua Bridge. A few months later, Johnny & I toasted on Valentine's Day to moving in together and taking that next step in our relationship. Two years later, we are giving up the place that became our first real home together, and giving up some of our freedom & independence, moving in with his Dad to save money, pay off debt, and get ourselves to where we want to be financially before entering into this little thing called marriage.


Not that anyone has implied I (we) should be, but I'm not ashamed at all to admit we're "moving in with our parents." In fact, I think anyone with half a brain would agree it's an extremely responsible, intelligent decision on our part. In case you haven't been paying attention for the last few years, the economy sucks, and it sucks even more if you're young and just starting out. I could launch into a rant, or whatever you may want to call it, about jobs, the credit crisis, big business and Wall Street sucking the life out of our economy/country, and all that good stuff, but I'll try to stay on topic for once. The fact of the matter is while we love our life and all that comes with it right now, we like many Americans, live paycheck to paycheck, week to week, month to month. Every time I build up my personal savings, I manage to either add to my debt, or have something come up that dips into, maybe even drains the savings account. Johnny has student loans, and shockingly, doesn't want to still be paying them off when we send our kids to college and they have to face the same reality. We would like to buy a house some day, hopefully in the not too distant future, and not on 5% or some other ridiculous measly percentage down. We would also like to have kids. Preferably while we're still young enough to keep up with them. I'd actually like to have about 4 or 5. (I'm still not over my only child complex.) Whether that will happen remains to be seen, but neither one of us wants to bring children into the world not knowing whether or not we're going to be struggling to feed, cloth, educate, and maybe give them a few luxuries here and there in their life.


This is a temporary thing. We're not giving up on supporting ourselves by any means, we just needed to figure out a way to get ahead - or we never would. I know too many people who live or have lived that way. I grew up pretty comfortable, even when my family was struggling, I never really knew it as a child. The same was true for Johnny. We want to give our children that same sense of comfort and security, and we want them to be able to be either superstar soccer players or gymnasts if they want to, be on the traveling team, take private voice or piano or some other ridiculous instrument lessons, bring cupcakes to class on their birthday, go to summer camp, go on vacations to cool places, and go to Harvard if they want to. We also want stuff for ourselves. We want to travel. We want nice things, who doesn't? We don't want to worry about who is going to pay for what. I don't want to be one of those people who feels like they can never catch a break. Because you know why some people can never catch a break? Because they can't. They can't ever quite get ahead. They can't ever quite put enough aside that when disaster strikes there's still something left over. They can't say no to things they should, and they don't, and they never, ever will get ahead. I may not be that great at saying no to things either, but I am good at figuring out what I need to do so I don't have to say no, at least not all the time.


On Thursday we got a call at 8 o'clock that our landlord wanted to show the place the next day. All afternoon. Thanks for the notice! We are in the process of moving and of course the place is a disaster. So we were up half the night and then both missed some or all of work yesterday to get this place in order for the showings. It was incredibly annoying, inconvenient, and stressful, but it kind of kicked us into high gear moving mode. As I sit in what was supposed to be my "office" - we moved around a bunch of stuff and changed the layout a few months ago, then never really got down to organizing or cleaning so that it might actually happen - I am feeling a little nostalgic about leaving this place. It is (has become) our home, and now that's it's so clean, it seems a lot nicer. But living here, we both felt like we could never get out from under it. The utilities alone for such a large condo were killing us. This place was our life -- literally -- most everything we earned went into paying the bills and maintaining this house. We couldn't take vacations, we couldn't buy things or treat ourselves to things we really wanted (without feeling guilty), and we couldn't make any major strides in terms of paying off debt. We had no money of our own saved toward our wedding, honeymoon, the house, or the future we hope to have together. Honestly, is any house or condo or apartment worth giving up everything else life has to offer to live there?


I don't think living with Johnny's dad will be easy. I mean, we will essentially be permanent guests in someone else's house. We have to find places to store all of our things and furniture that can't fit into our one bedroom. I'm sacrificing the beautiful masterpiece that is my walk-in closet (plus a spare one for my out of season items) for a single shared closet maybe 1/5 of the size. Mr. Rudy will certainly have a different life, as his frequent relapses in potty training and other occasional naughty behavior mean he'll have to be crated whenever someone is not home. There will be many other sacrifices and probably some awkward moments I can't foresee (not that I don't like my future father-in-law, you just know these things happen), but I know I care more about the results of making these changes to our life, and the future sacrifices we hopefully won't have to make because we did this now. I think we're making a good, sound, mature decision, and I think it's a good sign of our potential to have a successful marriage that we were able to make this decision together, that we are willing to compromise and make sacrifices for each other, and that we are following through on a plan of action to get what we want out of life.


Now I must start packing like a mad woman, because Lucy will be here within a matter of hours, Easter is tomorrow, and next Saturday I desperately want to go to Boston to a bridal event, so I've got to get 'er done! Did I mention packing is one of my most loathed activities and weakest skills????

I think I shall miss my closet the most.

Rambling.

Sometimes I start posts, then run out of time, forget about them, and never get around to finishing. I started this post last weekend, and now with this weekend fast approaching, I thought I ought to either finish it or trash it. So we open on last Saturday morning...


It's Saturday morning, and I'm still in bed, as usual. This whole week I've been exhausted, regardless of the amount of sleep I've been getting, and up and down with my typical spring allergy woes. I desperately needed and wanted to sleep in today.


Yesterday I woke up with a rare for me these days, but terrible hangover. I seriously cannot believe I used to be hungover just about every Friday-Sunday morning in college. Not that I was some completely crazy party girl, but we like to have a good time at Sewanee, and I actually did not really drink before going to college, so it took me a bit to get the hang of it.


Thursday night I went out to my favorite little Indian restaurant in Kittery, Tulsi, with Jess from work, then we went to the Red Door for Johnny & Judd's monthly gig there. It was a deader than a doornail kind of Thursday night until the evening was almost over, when some other friends showed up, including one of Johnny's close friends and possible groomsmen who had just arrived home from the winter away in Utah. So that's when it got a little crazy. Also, while it was deader than a doornail, Judd thought taking tequila shots would be a good way to "start the party" and if we took them, more people would come. Let me tell you something (in case you don't already know this), whatever your reason for deciding to take tequila shots, it's almost always a bad idea. Why people continue to do it, I don't know. Tequila shots never end well, at least not for me. At this point in my life, I probably take actual shots about twice a year, and regardless of how much I try to pace myself or drink water to compensate afterward, I never, ever, feel well the next day. And the older I get, the more it hurts. And the longer it lasts. Ughhhhhh.


Anywho, I didn't have to work until noon yesterday, but I woke up relatively early feeling absolutely awful. I randomly decided to log into my Comcast account, to look into canceling our service since we're going to be moving in the not too distant future. Of course, we still hadn't heard from the landlord, so we had no idea if we can even move out or when, or if we should be looking for a tenant to take over the rest of the lease.


So I get into Comcast only to see that our bill has suddenly increased drastically, and I immediately try to get on the phone and figure it out. Roughly an hour and a half later, I had canceled our service, then uncanceled it and only canceled the cable since we need internet, and talked to about 3 or 4 different people, I can't remember now, but I was very, very irritated, frustrated, and angry. Mini rant: why the heck is it SO effing hard to talk to a real person, get them to explain anything logically to you, listen to you, answer your ACTUAL questions, and just get what you want in an efficient manor when it comes to these big companies and these stupid stupid STUPID automated phone system crap things. ARRRGGGHHHHHH! In case it wasn't obvious, this is one of my BIGGEST frustrations and pet peeves with the world today. I don't like talking on the phone anyway, let alone when it is a call to deal with some issue or problem (who does like dealing with issues & problems after all?), so when they make it THAT much more difficult and unpleasant, my inner bitch really comes out. I also think that having to press 1, 2, 4, 1, 1, and then maybe 0 just to get a human being (albeit probably someone in India or China who you can barely understand) on the phone is really really REALLY a waste of everyone's time, energy, and resources.


So that lovely experience caused my head to throb angrily and my hangover to feel even more painful. Next up, get ready for work. As usual, I'm running later than I should be and then I get a couple of texts from J (and get stuck at the bridge I think. grr.) about a weird convo with our landlord. You see, at the end of March, I sent, with our rent check, a nice little letter explaining our situation (which Johnny had already called and talked to him about a few weeks prior) and that we would like to give our 30 days notice, but please let us know what he would like from us in terms of finding a new tenant or getting someone to take over the remainder of the lease, blah blah blah. Well, as I mentioned before, we haven't heard from him since, so Johnny finally called and he was basically just like "well, are you moving or not?" So all this time we're thinking hmm, maybe we won't be moving until mid-late May because we are actually trying to be responsible/good tenants about this, and now all of a sudden he's basically well either get out or don't. So apparently we're moving! In two weeks! And haven't started packing, cleaning, organizing or doing ANYTHING! Super!!


Fast forward to today (Thursday), we have still done (mostly) nothing. I am TERRIBLE at packing and moving. Honestly I am really such a problem child. And such


On a completely separate note, we have officially passed the 500 day mark until the wedding! 499 and counting! Thank goodness because geez I already feel like we are having the longest engagement EVER. I am really ready to start getting some stuff done and some decisions made. Lucy (Maid of Honor) gets home this weekend, parents are getting closer to finishing the house (I hope), and I am starting to make at least tentative plans with various bridesmaids as to when they are or could be around to help with things, go bridesmaid dress shopping, come to an engagement party, etc. I want to get a lot of the major planning done this summer, because it just makes sense to do it during the appropriate season. It should make it easier to see the "vision", if you will, come to life, and find ways to save money such as going with the "in season" flowers or produce, booking in advance, working with our connections, or all of the above!


On another, completely separate note, I think I may have found my dress! I know I know I know! SOOOO exciting! It totally came out of nowhere... I went to my appointment at Madeleine's for the Bliss trunk show last Sunday, truly not expecting anything other than to get a better handle on what I am looking for, and Chelsi, my consultant, just happened to pull a dress she thought would be great for me because I off-hand mentioned I liked some lace. The first time I put the dress on I liked it, but I wasn't really looking at it with any thoughts of it being "the dress." Since she kind of pulled it on a whim, I didn't know the price, hadn't tried anything else by that designer, and really didn't think it was the silhouette or style I was looking for - even though it was beautiful. But this is why you a) trust your consultant, and b) at least TRY things, especially if different than what you think you may want. My first impression of the dress was that it was beautiful and fit me very well. We decided it was worth keeping in the room, but quickly moved on, back to focusing on the Bliss dresses since I was there for the trunk show. We moved through the appointment extremely efficiently, eliminating dresses before I even stepped on the pedestal, debating longer over a few because they were the more traditional ballgown silhouette I had been after - but I just wasn't getting that "I'm a bride" or "this is it" feeling. I was having a hard time letting that idea, that vision, of the princess bride with the poofy, sparkly ballgown out of my head. In the end, we had one fuller dress, pure white with crystals & beading, and the other dress left in the room. We started trying more that were similar to the sleeker silhouette, and with each dress I realized I was thinking it didn't have this or that, it wasn't quite as nice, and that I was missing that other dress, hanging there, wanting to put it back on. Needless to say, once I put it back on, I never got back into the second, more "traditional" dress I'd been holding onto. She brought in a veil and as I stood there, picturing myself on my wedding day, walking down the aisle to Johnny, dancing with him and all of our friends, having the time of my life, I noticed how perfectly the dress, the fit, the look, the whole style of it "matched" my ring - and me. Then I cried. I had that feeling, that moment that I'd been told about and that I'd been hoping for, that same feeling you get when you know he's the one... I felt in my gut that this dress was the one. In a way, it has everything I wanted in a dress - it just looks drastically different than in the picture in my imagination. However, it somehow seems to fit me, perfectly, even more so than the dream dress - the Pnina - I've been obsessing over for a little too long.


I haven't been able to stop thinking about the dress, and even though I haven't purchased it, and I do plan to visit at least one more bridal shop and try a few more dresses, I feel in my gut that if it's possible (because it is a little over the budget...), that this will be the dress. I've shown a couple of friends, and they all LOVED it! I won't be posting any pictures or even hints here, though, because of course Johnny won't be seeing it before the day and honestly I do want it to be a surprise for most people. I mean, that's part of why the dress has always been so important to me - everyone wants to know, what's the bride going to wear?! There's also something about that moment - finding your dress - and feeling like it's really your dress, that is so special and so personal that you kind of don't want to share it with everyone, only the people closest to you, who truly love you and know you the best and can appreciate the significance of the whole thing.


So that was my weekend. And I do apologize that my posts are fewer, less frequent, more random, and in some cases, like this one, delayed. Maybe after we get through this whole moving thing and I get my life a little more under control, I'll be able to blog more regularly. That would be nice.

Read it.

My friend Sarah's blog is freaking hilarious. Check. Out. Now. You won't be sorry. You will be laughing.

http://thebabblingmermaid.wordpress.com/

Favorite post so far: She puts into words, perfectly and concisely, my exact sentiments on Lady Gaga. I'm over her.

 

The egg.

Spring has sprung!

Maybe. Earlier this week we had a couple of beautiful days, and after yesterday's awful cold wetness, the sun is out today and we've got the door to the shop open once again. I think it's safe to say spring has finally, partially, somewhat arrived in New England. Yay.

I emailed all the girls this weekend to introduce them to each other and start talking deets. I've only heard back from a couple of them so far, but talking about summer, possible dates for the engagement party, and all of that got me allllll excited for my favorite time of year. Every year around this time my life seems to spiral somewhat out of control, but when I look back, it always comes out all right, and my happiest memories are from those long, sun-filled, lazy, hazy days of Maine summer. I also love spring, because it means summer is coming, and Easter. It's always been one of my favorite holidays, both from a religious standpoint/background and the feeling that it's more officially spring once Easter is past, but most importantly, because it was my favorite, FAVORITE time of year at Sewanee. No where else in the world is Holy Week so amazing, in my humble opinion, and no where else has the spirit of the Resurrection and the coming of spring and summer, newness and life, been more alive in me than during my Easter semesters on that wonderful Mountain.

I feel like that last paragraph kind of jumped all over the place - from hey, I emailed my b-maids, to I love summer, to let's talk about Jesus and the Resurrection! ha! I'm a nut sometimes. I find myself off on tangents all the time. But I'm gonna go with the Easter thing here - even though that is not at all what I was planning on talking about when I started writing this post (2 days ago)!

One of my favorite (little silly favorite) things about Sewanee was how we called our semesters "Advent" and "Easter". I will be perfectly honest with you, I have not attended a church service - other than my cousin's wedding (does that count?) - since Christmas. I don't attend church regularly, and quite frankly haven't since I left Sewanee. I don't know why that is... (big fat lie) ...but here is neither the place nor the time to get into that. I do, however, continue to be, in many aspects, the same church nerd I always was, meaning, someone who relished all the silly little details (like calling semesters after holidays) that came along with attending an Episcopally affiliated university.

Back to the thing about Easter, and Holy Week, and newness and life. It's funny because my science-and-philosophy-only-no-organized-religious-please-and-thank-you oriented fiance has as much of a passion for this time of year and the whole spirit of it as I do - for basically all the same - but different - reasons. He actually wanted a spring wedding, for the symbolism. He told me he always envisioned a spring wedding, that it was such an meaningful time of year for him, and it seemed fitting to start a new life and celebrate marriage in the spring. Well, yes dear, I completely agree. Unfortunately, Mother Nature and Maine do not always cooperate in terms of representing our this vision of ours about spring with appropriate weather. Once we had both agreed on an outdoor/tented reception, it was easy for me to convince him that our best bet (weather-wise) was to pick a date in August or September. You just never know around here, but the odds are much better for getting a beautiful day September than in April (or March - even less likely!)

I love Easter, because it's like a big party, even bigger than Christmas. I feel like non-church people don't get this. Christmas really isn't the most important holiday. Okay, a baby is born. Whoop de doo. I mean, we think he was immaculately conceived and might be the Messiah - but the kid was born in a stable, with dirty animals, to a couple of really poor people, who were probably thinking what the heck did we get ourselves into?! Especially Joseph, because he was probably wondering "Did Mary lie to me? Was she sleeping around after all or is this really the Son of God? And I'M supposed to raise him?!" (You're probably beginning to get a sense of my religious sense of humor, thank you Dad, and I do apologize if it offends you, but I'm fairly certain God has the best sense of humor of all (hello have you seen the platypus?! hehe) and wants us to laugh and also be realistic and relate to religion in whatever way we find accessible.) So yes, Christmas, was a big deal, but really, it meant NOTHING until Easter happened. And by Easter, I mean, that little thing about Christ rising from the dead. That one thing, that one act of God, is everything to Christianity. Because without the Resurrection... what does it all mean? He turned water into wine, walked on water, healed the sick, blah blah blah. I mean honestly, I don't know, would you buy some stories about some miracles roughly 2,000 years ago, and just say yup, that probably was the Son of God? I mean, Mother Teresa did a whole lot of good in the world. 2,000 years from now, people might stretch the truth a bit, stories might evolve, I mean hey look at all the saints and their miracles. But Christ, and Christ alone, stands out for one reason. He was the Son of God. He was born without sin. He died at our hands. And then, because He was without sin, because He was God incarnate, He came back to life. He rose from the dead. He came back and was like hey, I died for you, and now you get to live forever too. Kinda gives me chills thinking about it. Because if it's true, it's pretty freaking awesome, isn't it?

So religious talk aside, Easter makes me feel like it's spring and it makes me feel happy. That feeling that everything will be new and alive, especially after a cold, dark, blah winter, is amazing. It's inspiring. Weather permitting, I feel like I always spend part if not a big chunk of the day (or weekend) outside, and just getting out there after being cooped up all winter is like a wake up call.... it's here!!!!!!! spring! summer! sunshine! happiness! Get out of your funk (and let me tell you, I've been in one this year) and get out there. Enjoy life, be happy, be joyful, be free. I find I almost always manage to get myself sunburned, even if just my cheeks or shoulders, at some point during the Easter festivities. It's not quite on purpose - it's just because it's my first time out, maybe it's not even all that warm, but I can't help but throw off the sweater, jacket, or scarf, and bask in the sun's glorious rays. Ahhhh, spring. Welcome. Welcome back.

Amidst all this happiness, I do always feel a sense of nostalgia, a longing to be back at Sewanee, to be "who I used to be," and to celebrate Holy Week the way it really ought to be. I wonder if it will ever be the same, or even close to what it used to be for me. Sometimes I do feel sad that the person I found to share my life with doesn't share quite the same convictions as I do, or have a desire to share that particular experience of existence with me. It's not that it can't still be me, be something that I do, believe in, and love on my own, but there is a part of me, that (not so secretly) wishes it were one of our together things. I wish he got excited about going to really pretty churches, like I do. I wish he got a little giddy at the thought of a service with incense, like I do. Or a really good sermon. I wish he thought it were just a little bit cool to memorize entire portions of the prayer book, and to have favorite collects and hymns, like I do. And to remember where you are not supposed to breathe during those hymns, like I, of course, do! But he doesn't. Oh well.

Anyway, I've lost sight of why I was writing, and have just been writing. The nice weather has me excited about a lot of things coming up including a trip down South for a Sewanee wedding I hope to take in June (not in Sewanee, but nearby in Chattanooga, so I'm hoping we might be able to drive up the Mountain so Johnny can finalllly see my alma mater!). Dani & Jay are a ton of fun and I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding. My roommate from college, Holly, lived in Chattanooga for a couple years after graduation, so she's going to send me some recommendations of things to do and places to eat and such around Chatty. I'm hoping to cure Johnny's aversion to both the South and going to other people's (i.e. my friend's) weddings with this one. More importantly though, I can't wait to actually see some Sewanee people and some of my sorority sisters. I CANNOT believe it's been FOUR YEARS!!!! That's as long or longer than I even knew most of them! Ridiculous.

That about sums up this rather disjointed post on spring, Easter, religious ramblings, and other things, but on a completely separate note, I've been focusing on the white dress for my lust list/engagement party and I found this dress at Forever 21 online. I'm thinking it's cute but not too dressy. I don't buy a lot from there because we don't have one around here, and my experience shopping there before is the style and the fit of the clothes is a bit young for me and my body shape. So I kind of need to try things on. But the price is certainly right so I might just get it and if it doesn't work out, oh well! What do you think?

On a separate, separate note, here are some photos of the new Monique dresses I was drooling over the other day, and one Pronovias gown I found that I really like.

The End!

Love it.

Boca Raton Wedding on Style Me Pretty

Love love LOVE this wedding! The color scheme is basically exactly what I was thinking... and I love a lot of the little details. Love the cake, love the flowers, especially the centerpieces & table settings, love the picture/card table, love it all. I can't get enough of Style Me Pretty...seriously.

See ALL the pretty pictures here!


While we're on the subject, here's another blog I found with lots of gorgeousness and DIY ideas. http://ruffledblog.com/ Let me tell you, narrowing down exactly what I want to do, with all these ideas I've been gathering is going to be quite the challenge!

Oh Em Gee.

I just stumbled upon some photos from Spring 2012 bridal lines and OMG I can't breatheeeeeeeeeeeee. I am SO in love with a couple of the new Monique Lhullier dresses and seeing some trends that scream SARA! This makes me sooooo excited to go shopping again this weekend, even though I know these dresses will not be available for quite some time. It appears this may be a long process before I finally decide on a dress!

http://www.weddingdresses.com/wedding-news/2011/04/monique-lhuillier-spring-2012-wedding-dresses/

http://www.brides.com/wedding-dresses-style/bridal-runway-shows/2011/04/new-monique-lhuillier-wedding-dresses-spring-2012#

http://www.weddingdresses.com/wedding-news/2011/04/romona-keveza-spring-2012-wedding-dresses/

http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/photogallery/kenneth-pool-wedding-dresses-bridal-gowns-spring-2012-runway-collection


Can you guess which are my favorites? :)

Dresses Dresses Dresses!

Finally it's the weekend! My schedule has been all out of whack lately, so it's nice to finally have a "normal" weekend. Being that my schedule has been off, I've been feeling off... tired, grumpy, unmotivated, you know the drill. Sometimes I just go through those phases though... but this particular funk has lasted awhile. I need to get my butt to either the gym or yoga or both, get outside for some sunshine, and accomplish some things that I've been avoiding (<cough>taxes<cough cough>) so I feel back on top.

Next weekend I am going back to Madeleine's for wedding dress shopping trip #2. I decided at the last minute to see if I could get an appointment for the Bliss by Monique Lhuillier trunk show they are having. They actually had a lot of appointments available, but I decided to go with one on Sunday, hoping it won't be quite as busy as Saturday, and maybe I'll be able to get a little more time and attention than my first go round. I did book it with the same consultant, because I liked her and even though I didn't find dresses I liked, I know she was really trying and it was probably my fault for steering her in the wrong direction initially. Besides, she knows what I have already tried on, so I'd rather not start from scratch all over again.

Monquie Lhuillier as a rule isn't a) within my budget or b) particularly what I (thought) I was looking for. However, there are a few dresses of hers I like, and after wedding dress shopping disaster #1, I am changing my opinions and open to trying anything. I have also had about 3 or 4 other brides who have tried on dresses or bought their dresses already tell me I would love and look great in Monique. So I guess I should at least give it a shot. The Bliss line IS within my budget ($2300-3500), so when they changed the trunk show to that from Claire Pettibone, I thought, hey maybe I should check it out.

I will be going by myself, as my parents are going to be out of town, and as I have mentioned none of my bridesmaids are local and able to join me. Could be a good opportunity to work with the consultant though and get closer to figuring exactly what my bridal style should be! As a salesperson myself, I feel a little guilty going in for a second time with no intention of giving her a sale. I don't want to decide by myself, and I certainly don't have the money right now to put down a deposit on a dress on my own. But there's really no other way to find a gown without trying, and I don't want to miss an opportunity to see a whole line at a trunk show. I have already been disappointed that 2 out of my 3 top dresses were not available at Madeleine's, even though they carry both designers. Speaking of which, I really should call back and see about them getting those dresses in for me to see. I know they can sometimes do that... I'm a "Say Yes to the Dress" junkie, thus I base all of my opinions about bridal salons on Kleinfeld and that show.

Here are two of the Bliss dresses I like... although I've picked about 9 from her site that I would be interested in trying on. In case you haven't guessed, I am an exhaustive shopper. I don't typically just go and find a dress or an outfit. It is a process. With this being THE DRESS of my life, I do not intend to settle - I will leave no stone unturned. I mean, unless of course by some miracle I go to Kleinfeld's, try on the dream dress, love it as much as I do in the picture, magically it doesn't cost $$$$$ (yes, there are FIVE dollar signs for the price on the website :( - it's a Pnina Tornai, what did I expect?) and I can get it! Okay, fantasies aside... I don't make big decisions like this easily, and I think it's important given that I have the time, to make sure I get the full experience, try on lots of different styles, and actually fall in love with the dress when I find it.

 

Bliss Dress #1 - I like the lace. I wish it has a more exaggerated sweetheart neckline. The skirt is a little plain and as a general rule I am not super into sashes, ribbons, or bows. But for some reason this one grabs me. I guess I just like the overall shape, and that it looks romantic, pretty, and appropriate for an outdoor summer reception.

 

Bliss Dress #2 - I love the shape, fabric, and ruching on this dress, but it's too plain. I really want something with embellishment - lace, beading, flowers, something! I could envision adding a jeweled belt, a flower corsage on the skirt, or something else to make this dress more "me". I'm not sure about the sash/streamer things on the back. But like I said I love the shape (the neckline is exactly what I want!) so it's worth a try. Things can always be altered! And embellished ... right? :)

Okay and two more actually...

 

Bliss Dress #3 - On this one I like the ballgown shape with the fuller skirt. I also love the bodice with the beading! It's not exactly the neckline I like, but it's pretty. I'm not sure how I feel about the pick ups in the skirt. In general, I'm not wild about them. I really didn't like them on one of the dresses I tried on before, so it may be a no.

Bliss Dress #4 - The main reason for this dress is the flowers! I love flowers - that has been the one detail I have been obsessed with since the beginning. Of course floral details are suddenly all the rage in bridal designs, which makes them easy to find but actually makes me like it a little less. This dress is again a bit plain for my taste overall, but I like the way this skirt is gathered as opposed to the more tufted skirt on the last one. I also like how it's more fitted through the waist and hips, but still has fullness.

As you can see I am kind of all over the place. For the sake of showing what I was initially going for, I will now show you my top three dresses, which I chose at the beginning of this process (two of them actually before we were technically engaged...haha). Yes, blog readers, I am letting you in on my secret, the secret of THE dress that I have been lusting after for over a year, as well as my other two favorites. Why? Well I imagine I'm probably not going to end up with any of these dresses, because it rarely turns out that way, right? Even so, even if I do, I won't be revealing that secret, and the gown itself I am sure will be so much more amazing in person and on me... showing a few pictures on the blog will not at all ruin the experience or expectation of the dress if, in fact, any of them live up to my own personal hype, and become the dress. I have not found anything I deeply love as much as any of these (or I should say as much as the Pnina dress...), or that changes my mind enough to shop for something completely different. I have not however, had the opportunity to try any of them on yet... which leaves me a bit stuck. The way that I am, I don't know that I will be able to make a decision until I at least see/put these dresses on and get them off my mind. But I guess only time will tell! Without further ado, here they are!

Maggie Sottero - SaBelle

 

Watters and Watters - Sonara

...and last but not least... the Kleinfeld Exclusive Pnina Tornai! (sigh)

Something borrowed...

Something borrowed, something blue | Love and Lobster

Isn't it nice to know why we do these things.... :)

New website!

It's still a work in progress but I've been working hard on a shiny new custom website for the wedding. Not gonna lie, pretty excited about it. Especially because it has our own personal domain name: johnandsara.info. Pretty cool huh? :)

I had a difficult time choosing a theme because they were all so pretty and I still haven't quite figured out how to get music I want on there. I might change it in the future to fit the theme of the wedding more... but I like this style for now... lots of pictures! Now I just need to get more actual planning done so I can add details about the wedding, not just my long winded stories about our relationship and stuff.


OH and p.s. when I said I had the most gorgeous bridesmaids.... was I lying?!

Best Bridesmaids.

So, I pretty much have the best group of bridesmaids a girl could ask for - not only because they are all gorgeous, and so so special to me, but their awesomeness and enthusiasm is overwhelming! I sent out the cards in the mail last Friday evening, and by this Friday every single one of them had contacted, called, or let me know in some way that they got it, loved it, and could not wait to be a part of the wedding. It felt amazing to receive so many happy messages and hear the excitement in their voices. I feel very loved and very blessed to have so many good friends to share this with. Now I just have to stop being a loser and get around to calling them all back! (In my defense, I'm still getting over my sickness, have been working and busy after work all week, including today, and as you all know I've never been much of a phone person - I can usually only deal with one call/person per day. not because I don't love you. I'm just like that. haha)

Anyway, I just wanted to quickly post to say how HAPPY and EXCITED I am to have chosen them, and to have them all on board. Check one thing off the list! I have six bridesmaids, and two honorary bridesmaids - one reading for the ceremony, and one helping me with the planning and such around here since all the other girls currently live pretty far away (NJ, PA, VA, and CO). To me they are all part of the wedding party and equally important, because they all represent a different phase of my life and have been extremely close friends at one time or another. I am not a girl who is incredibly social or outgoing, or has a big group of girlfriends. I tend to be very close to one or two people at a time. Even as we have grown up and grown apart in some ways, I feel a sense of loyalty to them, grateful for the impact they have had on my life, and that we share a bond many people never feel with friends. As I frequently mention, I am an only child, so I think I form these relationships as a replacement for those I did not have with siblings.

I'm glad that Johnny's sister Lucy is moving back here in less than a month and will be sticking around for the summer and hopefully for good. She is going to be the Maid of Honor, with his older sister Caitlin being the Matron of Honor. It will be nice to have her here, because she's been really enthusiastic about getting involved and doing lots of girly, sisterly, wedding-y things with me. The other good news, which I received last night, but won't mention any names or details yet, is that another one of the girls *might* be moving closer in the not too distant future. It was a HUGE surprise to me but WICKED excited about it. Regardless, I know they will all be as involved as they can be as we go along through this process.

Thank you to all of you for being a part of my life & being willing to be a part of a wedding - I know it is a big commitment, and I appreciate you so much already. ♥ ♥ ♥

P.S. I promise I will call you back soon if I haven't yet! Really!

Spring Lust List.

I love clothes. And shoes. And bags. And jewelry (duh). And buying things.

Yes, I admit it, I'm a clothes horse, a consumer, a material girl, a retail therapy addict, a shopaholic, a bargain hunter, a super-justifier, a woman with a deep desire to be a trendsetting fashionista - or at least to look fabulous, unique, and more or less put together at all times. Since I'm 25, and still defining and evolving my personal style (and of course by no means have an excessive amount of disposable income at any time), I am constantly in need of something... something new.

Sometimes I think it's just the thrill of the chase - especially of a good deal. God I love to get 50% off or more on something. I love to buy something on clearance. With every fiber of my being. And I love to tell people who complement my purchase what a great deal I got on it. (I think this really has to do with guilt and not wanting people who see me regularly and may have an idea of the excessive and vastness of my wardrobe to think I spend a fortune on clothes - the truth is I probably do spend more than most, but I also keep everything forever and of course try to always buy on sale.)

What I love the MOST is to buy that something on clearance that I wanted as soon as I saw it (at full price), resisted buying, pined over for months, completely (eventually) forgot about, then stumbled upon with the .99 or .97 or FINAL SALE on the tag (or online listing), had a coupon, or a rewards card, got free shipping and voilà! I own the $200 dress for $48.99, less my $10 coupon and free shipping, of course. (I hate to pay for shipping. ever. Even when I do pay for shipping, I make sure I got some kind of discount on the item equal to or greater than the cost of shipping, thus negating the shipping payment.) Of course the bottom line is, I still spent $40, and probably wasted countless hours of my life debating and obsessing over whether or not I could should might afford/buy said dress before I finally did. But I really like the dress. Yes, I am talking about an actual example and dress which I now own. :)

Needless to say, my dear fiancé has a few concerns about me, my closet, and my general consumerist nature. He is (clearly) the more financially responsible partner in this relationship. There always is one. Because if you both suck at budgeting and saving and being, you know, financially responsible, let's face it, you're screwed. With our new plan - now officially put into action as I sent out 30 days notice with our last months' rent yesterday (sad face) - he is quite concerned that the sudden availability of additional funds may result in shall we say... an irresponsible surge in spending. (well my spring & summer wardrobes need updating honey! just a few things!) He's probably not entirely off base. I have to admit that my main issue is that I am so used to just adjusting - week to week, month to month, paycheck to paycheck - I'm one of those people who when I have money, I spend it. When I don't, I'm great about "being on a budget" - but when I do, I have a hard time seeing the bigger picture and staying on top of the budget I should be maintaining all the time - not just the tight weeks of the month.

So I've been thinking about this a lot. It's funny because we just started watching Dexter which is an odd analogy to make to this situation, but it kind of works. Dexter has to kill people, he has to satisfy that urge. So he kills people that deserve to die. He meticulously researches and prepares for each kill, so he makes no mistake, doesn't kill someone who doesn't deserve it, and doesn't get caught. Similarly, I have to shop. I have to buy things. I love to buy things. I love to treat myself to something, whether a small pick me up like a $10 pretty-smelling candle or a $3 latte, or a large purchase of something truly special, a pair of boots or a facial, that I save for and plan for the spend. I can't go any particularly long period without allowing myself some form of "splurge," which I usually can, of course, justify on some level, but that also just makes me feel good. I actually had a therapist once who encouraged me to shop, because it was something that made me happy and apparently some form of coping mechanism. I feel like she wasn't really doing her job - I mean, yeah shopping may have helped take my mind off certain issues, but isn't the point of therapy to work through those issues so we don't *have* to use the coping mechanism anymore? I'm sure my parents (or were still partially supporting me at the time) would have been thrilled with her advice.

Okay, back to the point. Since I have to keep myself on a limited budget - we've got BIG things to save for here - wedding, house, LIFE - and I certainly don't want to let my man down - I've decided to start a list. A lust list. In addition to wedding posts, I'm going to post about what I want to buy each season - BEFORE I actually buy it. I'll limit myself to a few major purchases, and probably fewer "little" splurges, because let's be honest, my closet is overflowing with cheap basics and impulse purchases, previous splurges, and some pretty decent quality pieces, that haven't seen that much wear (due to the size of the collection), and given my personal preference for fairly classic styles, can definitely be recycled from season to season, year to year. I think I'll get more enjoyment, satisfaction, and wear out of investing in quality pieces for specific purposes or occasions, but things that I carefully plan for and decide I really really really want. I haven't decided my "budget" or how many items I'll allow on this lust list per season, but I guess the point is to just write down what I want, think of about, weigh the pros and cons of spending money on that item, and make more responsible decisions about satisfying my shopping urge.

So here begins my Spring 2011 Lust List:

#1  Those stupid (gorgeous) Frye boots always tempting me in the window of Footnotes. Actually, what I really want is a really classic, quality pair of cow(girl) boots - they don't have to be Frye but I've yet to find anything else up here (you know, in Yankee territory) that would qualify as both somewhat authentic and good quality, as well as the style I want. I have a pair of Fryes I bought at Footnotes on sale a few years ago, but they really weren't what I wanted - they were an impulse buy because they were such a good "deal" for Fryes - and they're not all that comfortable. Every time they change the window there I fall in love with a new pair of boots, but I think I am pretty set on the classic, brown, pointy-toed, embroidered cowboy boots that were recently replaced again with my previous lust - the red round-toed smooth leather boots pull on boots. Gorgeous but maybe less practical/wearable I think. The original lust were the over-the-knee flat riding boots - deep brown or black, couldn't decide - that were in there earlier in the winter. Couldn't afford and now they're gone, but I think for the price they wouldn't have been the right choice either. God I love boots. I might love them more than heels. And I love heels. The thing about boots is that they can dress up or down. Your can wear them over or under jeans, with dresses, skirts, and well, just about anything. They're easy to throw on, they're usually pretty darn comfortable, and they can complete or entirely change the tone of an outfit. They tend to make your legs (in my opinion) look skinnier and longer. But, regardless, they are a great way to proportion an outfit - balance volume on top, a particularly short skirt, or a pair of jeans that you don't love the cut of below the knee. Oh boots, how I love thee. So versatile, so classic, so fun.

#2  A super adorable white (or somewhat/mostly white) summer dress. Right now I'm obsessed with anything lace, eyelit, or embroidered (a lace top or tunic is another item seriously being considered for the lust list here), and anything at all that says, "I'm the Bride!" This dress is going to be for our engagement party, which we're planning on having as a clam/lobster bake, casual kind of thing sometime this summer. So I don't want anything too too dressy, but I definitely want it to be fabulous and make me stand out. And I want to be able to wear it again, of course. Haven't seen much in the way of what I'm looking for yet, but I'm keeping my eyes open!

#3  White jeans. I have been looking for the perfect pair of white jeans since Spring Break 2K6. Seriously. I did get some white cropped jeans (Joe's I think) from Bluefly a couple of summers ago, but what I really want is the perfect straight or skinny jean, not too tight but not baggy, they have to be a fabulous fit, good weight (so they're not too see through especially with the pockets - I hate when the pockets as all bunchy and the jeans are skin tight and you see the outline of the fabric, yuck.), and some stretch (because you always need a little stretch). Like I said, I've been trying on white jeans every year for at least 5, and I still haven't found them, the perfect, flattering, classic pair. Sad. Face. Oh, and they have to be within a reasonable price point. I pretty much only buy designer jeans, but in case you haven't been paying attention to this post, I never like to pay full price. (Some jeans are like $250-300 now...really?!?!) I hate to spend over $100. I mean, really. They're jeans. But in defense of the price tag, I still have jeans from 2005-06 and the ones I have gotten rid of I sold through Second Time Around, so after keeping and wearing them regularly for 4+ years, I made roughly $20-40 per pair back on 'em. Not bad, right? So if I paid $100, had them for 4 years ($25/year), and wore them roughly once a week (52 weeks in a year), they cost me less than 50 cents per wear. Except then I made $20... so they were only $80, that's more like... well I won't do the math, but I'm big into cost per wear. (remember the super justifier? yup, that's me! ) I think this is completely reasonable, though. :) Anyway, the perfect pair has eluded me, but this year I plan to find them! Maybe. I hope. We'll see.

So there are the top 3 items on my lust list (for now). I'll get back to you with more soon. In the meantime, what are YOU lusting after for spring and summer??? Not that I need any ideas...

Visit with Jack.

Yesterday Johnny & I had breakfast in York at the Stolen Menu Cafe (one of my fav places... sooooo delicious. If you are not familiar with this place, you NEED to go. It's a little pricey but their dishes are so unique and it's worth it for a special brunch once in a while. Yesterday I had "Georgia on my mind" which was bacon & cheddar cheese grits dressed with wilted leafy spinach, grilled asparagus and cherry tomatoes, topped with cheesy scrambled eggs drizzled with hollandaise sauce, baked southern-style ham and a sweetened grilled biscuit. yes, seriously. I love food.) Anyway, after this fabulous over-indulgent meal, we decided to stop by Sentry Hill and visit Johnny's grand-daddy Jack. Jack is now in his 98th year of life, and fairly recently moved to the Altzheimer's wing over at Sentry Hill, however, I think he's in pretty darn good shape for his age, and I love that he still has that twinkle in his eye, and remembers quite a lot - especially of the important things.

I've met Jack quite a few times, but unfortunately as I entered Johnny's life more seriously after his grandmother Dorothy's death and as Jack was seriously advancing into his 90's, he never seems to remember me (although he always seems to find me very pretty and mention it frequently during our time together, which I can't complain about at all!). The last time I saw him was when he was awarded the Order of the First State award by the governor of Delaware last summer. He kept trying to match me up with an older man from the newspaper that was there. 

This time, we went to tell him about our engagement. At first he seemed a bit surprised, since he'd never met me before, but he quickly warmed up to the idea and became excited about it, telling his roommate's family who were also visiting, the nurses, and the other people around when we walked with him to lunch. I was disappointed that when I showed him the ring, which had been his wife's, he didn't remember it (Johnny's Aunt Sallie had suggested he might have some stories, but unfortunately he did not), but it was overall a very nice visit. He has a beautiful picture from his & Dorothy's wedding day by his bed, which I hope we will be able to borrow and get a copy for display at our wedding. He talked lots about "his girl" (wife), as well as "his girls" (daughters), and how there were all busy and active and strong-willed - asked me if I was too, and warned Johnny about keeping up. :) He also asked other little questions about when the wedding was to be, and what we had planned so far.

Other than that the major topic of the day seemed to be travel. He happily reminisced about Scotland, living and traveling there and in Europe. It's always interesting to me with older people, which parts of their memory remain the strongest. It speaks volumes to the life experiences they valued the most, the things which stick with them, the people and moments they remember most clearly and enjoy talking about even as many other memories fade. His short-term memory is weak (such as remembering me from visit to visit, or remembering that the Scottish caps he thought his roommate had taken had been recovered and were sitting on the chair across from him at that very moment), but when he talked to Johnny about their travels together, certain things are very clear. It gives me hope he will make it to 100, and to our wedding day, to see how much is still clear as a bell for him. It made us sad, though, that we all aren't able to visit and spend more time with him more often. He seemed a little lonely, and like he missed all his girls quite a bit.

I also went by a bridal expo in Portsmouth yesterday and talked to a couple other photographers and dj's... not really sure what I'm looking to get out of these things at this point, but it put me back into wedding planning mood/zone again, and I got to spend some time with my mom which was nice.

Today is the last day of my three day weekend. It was very needed, and has been quite enjoyable & fairly productive so far. My living room is completely taken over by clean laundry that needs folding. That's my single must-do today. There are other things I'd like to do, but I still have my cough and woke up with new/more congestion in my nose, sinuses, and head. I'm taking mucinex (max strength!) and now some sudafed, and hoping that if I just keep on managing it and taking it easy, I WILL get better. So we'll see what I'm up for today. I wish I could take the whole week off and have a stay-cation, but perhaps I should save that for later in the month when we get into moving. Time for a little snuggle with Rudy and maybe a movie or nap. Or both. :)