Easter.

This morning I woke up in a fog. A sudafed & robitussin double-hangover to be exact. After packing, purging, organizing, reorganizing, and doing a few miscellaneous other chores all day yesterday, my back ached, my head throbbed, my ears, eyes, nose, and throat either itched or felt as though they were closing up (or both), and it was all I could do not to just fall into bed.


I've been struggling all day with the issue at the heart of my other recent post about religion and the Easter holiday we celebrated today. The "Jesus Christ Superstar Construction Crew", as I like to call them, informed Johnny earlier this week that "they" (you know, the good Christian folk of the world) refer to "us" (also known as, "not them") as "C & E's" - Christmas and Easters. As in, that's the only time people like "us" go to church - and thus, it doesn't mean anything. In fact, it's probably worse than not going at all! The funny thing is, I'm pretty sure I - and even my fiancé who doesn't believe in Jesus Christ per se - have a much better understanding of what it truly means to be a Christian - to live a life that not only glorifies God, but also all of His children, by emulating the lifestyles and teachings of Christ - than those jokers ever will.


In church this morning, we recited the Baptismal Covenant in lieu of the Nicene Creed. It was odd for me, because I was thinking about how Johnny has not been baptized. In the first section, we state our beliefs, in God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit. I thought, hmm. Does he mean it? Should he say it at all? I mean, just because he's here, he doesn't have to participate if he doesn't agree - or believe, in this case. But, as we moved into the second part, I starting thinking more about the guys he works with, who continually try to "save" him, but sure as you-know-what don't practice what they preach and overall, treat him like crap on a daily basis. In case you aren't familiar, there's a series of questions, and we answer, "I will with God's help" to each of them. I have highlighted the parts below that particularly bother me with regard to how these "Christians" treat not only my fiancé, but many others, including each other, without it seems, a second thought.


Celebrant   Will you continue in the apostles' teaching and
                 fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and
                 in the prayers?
People      I will, with God's help.
Celebrant   Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever
                 you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord.
People      I will, with God's help.
Celebrant   Will you proclaim by word and example the Good
                 News of God in Christ?
People      I will, with God's help.
Celebrant   Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving
                 your neighbor as yourself?
People      I will, with God's help.
Celebrant   Will you strive for justice and peace among all
                 people, and respect the dignity of every human being?
People      I will, with God's help.


As you can see, I encountered quite a few problems. First, about the sinning and the repenting. They're really big on this sin stuff. I mean, when it comes to everyone else. I gotta say, I don't really think that it works like, one time, you say, oh yeah, I know I'm a sinner, own up to it, accept that Jesus had to die for those sins, start going to church regularly and then, you're good with God. Simple as that. Umm no. It's slightly more complicated, in my opinion, and requires constant self-examination, and repentance for more than one and more than one type of sin. [i.e. not drinking at all isn't a get-out-of-jail-free card that lets you be a mean person instead.] Also, you're supposed to proclaim by word AND example. They seem to have the WORD part down pretty well... but you can't just go around telling everybody, accept Jesus, stopping sinning, and if you don't, you die. I don't think I have to explain too deeply how actions speak louder than words. I think it's pretty clear that someone constantly telling you you're a bad person for not being a Christian - or the right type of one at that - and also treating you like you a bad person all the time is not the best example of leading a Christian life. The same goes for SEEKING and SERVING Christ is ALL people and loving your neighbor as yourself. The little detail about respecting the dignity of all human beings? I'm just not even going to go there. 


I know Johnny doesn't love going to church. But he goes with me, from time to time, on the important holidays at least, because he knows it's important to me, and to my family. He respects my beliefs. He participates and encourages conversations that help us to flesh out both the similarities and differences in our particular religious and general world views. He is a kind person. He a good, decent, hard-working, compassionate man. He visits his 98-year-old grandfather on as regular a basis as he can, and worries himself over whether he is getting proper care and attention from the rest of the family as well as the caretakers at the nursing home where he lives. He goes out of his way to help and to be there for friends and family whenever they need it - even when it's incredibly inconvenient for them. He keeps an open mind, and is tolerant, but stands up for what he believes in. He can have a temper, and he makes mistakes from time to time, because he is human, after all, but he does what he can to always make things right. He does believe in a higher power, and he does believe that doing good and putting positive energy out in to the world comes back to you. So whether he calls that God, answers to the title of "Christian," or believes a story about a man named Jesus from a couple thousand years ago, doesn't really matter to me. Whatever you want to call it, I find he seeks and serves that energy, that goodness and dignity in all people, and upholds through his actions the moral and ethical standards that I believe apply to a "Christian" lifestyle. 


He would probably be embarrassed, and most likely, ticked off at me for writing all this stuff about him, but it's been nagging at me, the "conflict" of our religious views. It nags at me that the question of whether or not we'll get married in a church is still coming up, and it pisses me off that one of the reasons he seems to hold such a stigma around the concept of church is that these idiots make it look like such a terrible place that brainwashes you into being an asshole to everyone that doesn't exactly agree with you. [Yeah, I just swore.] Today I realized something, though, that there isn't a conflict, unless you make one. Those guys make it a conflict, but it doesn't have to be. As I said, whatever you want to call it, we're pretty much on the same page. Actually, in the opinion of the chosen ones, we're completely on the same page, because Episcopalians aren't really Christians anyway. Not good ones, that's for damn sure! 


We went to church today, but even if we hadn't, we spent Easter doing what I think Jesus and the Resurrection is all about. We were there for and with the people who we love, who love us, who gave us life, and who continue to give us life. We made time for them in our busy and stressful life, because that is what you do. We saw every single one of our immediate family members within reasonable distance, and even snuck in a quick visit with Grandpa Jack at Sentry Hill. Moving, packing, cleaning... yes, we have a lot of that to do and a crazy week ahead of us. Even when we don't have that going on, Sunday is our day. It's always our day to get stuff done or to just stay home and not have to worry about anything but each other. But it's Easter. You take time for fellowship, for family, for love, and for breaking bread together. You take time to stop and be thankful for what and who you have, and for the sometimes very simple routine of just being human. I don't honestly think God cares whether you go to an actual church as long as you remember what you're doing and why. Also, Jack & Dorothy were married over 60 years - one an Episcopalian, the other a staunch Atheist, to her grave from my understanding. So even if he reads this, and thinks it's a load of hogwash, we might still be okay!


I've gotten very deep this week. I think next week, besides spastic bursts of frantic packing, between work and other craziness, I will try to be significantly more shallow. Once the packing and moving and all that good stuff is out of the way, back to wedding planning/obsessing like it's my job!