Decisions, decisions.

There are, and will continue to be, many decisions revolving around our wedding, but one of the decisions that has posed itself as very difficult for me so far is choosing my bridesmaids. I have been obsessing over this, on and off, essentially since the day we got engaged. (I had also thought about it before, but hadn't allowed myself to worry too much considering there was no urgency to the matter.)

Well, there still isn't THAT much urgency, but I'd really like to be able to make a decision and let my girls know. I have a great idea for how I want to ask them, and although it will take some time & effort on my part, I really can't wait to do it!

The problem is that while I don't have any sisters of my own, or cousins I'm particularly close to or anything, I have had many very special, very close friends over the years. I have never been the type of girl to have tons of friends, just one or two close ones here and there. For that reason, and because I never did have siblings to be close to and rely on, I seemed to form really strong bonds and attachments to the friends I have had during each stage or aspect of my life - childhood, middle & high school, college, and participating in youth events/church stuff. I also love Johnny's two sisters dearly, and cherish the relationships I have formed with them over the years. It has been a lifelong DREAM of mine, to have siblings, especially sisters, and I have to say it was certainly a huge plus in coming to the final realization that he was in fact "the one", to know that I would inherit two such lovely ladies, who have now officially adopted me with open arms as their third sister. I consider myself very lucky, overall, in the in-law department.

My dilemma is how to choose. I haven't decided on a final number, but Johnny has five groomsmen, and is relatively set on that number and those people. Being the type A that I am, even though I know you don't have to have equal numbers, it makes me want to also have five bridesmaids. Ten seems like a nice number for the bridal party, too. Of course, prior to J deciding on the groomsmen, I was quite set on having an even number of b-maids and g-men ... and five is not that. Either way, I have more girls I would like to have, than I have spots to fill.

This left me thinking, and selecting, and re-selecting, and reasoning as to the best choices, who would be least offended, who would actually be happy if I didn't ask her (she probably doesn't read this, but if she did, she would know I was talking about her!), or who might feel uncomfortable with the financial commitment and it might be respectful NOT to ask it of her. But then I thought some more, and read various articles, and talked to people... and I thought, well none of this logical stuff matters, I should ask EXACTLY who I want to, regardless of the number, whether it's even or odd, or matches the g-men. I need to have the girls who I really want up there, and who should be up there, by my side on that day.

But I really hate huge bridal parties! I mean, depending on how huge we're talking, it's not that big a deal, but for me personally, it kind is. I really want the bridal party to be small enough that everyone feels they are important, gets to know each other if possible, and it looks appropriate to the size & style wedding we are actually having. So basically what I'm saying is, do whatever you want, but for me, too many bridesmaids, is too many bridesmaids.

BUT (yet another but!) I really love all of my friends, even the ones I don't see or talk to as often these days. They are all people I feel like I can pick up right where we left off, whenever we do connect, and they all have significance to me or to me & to Johnny both that I don't want to discount or ignore. So what to do, what to do....

On a separate note, this weekend we don't have any specific wedding planning plans, so I plan to start working on my "book" ... a.k.a. inspiration & planning binder. I decided to buy a photo album/scrapbook at Target last weekend, because I really wanted a "pretty" binder, but couldn't find one that also seemed functional. I also bought a bunch of gorgeous & fun scrapbooking stuff (like bridal themed stickers, and beautiful "garden party" themed paper) to start decorating and piecing together my favorite ideas. I'm basically the least crafty person on the planet, so it should be an interesting endeavor. For now, I just want to get it started with the "inspiration" stuff, but I am going to remove some pages to put in dividers and sheet protectors for storing vendor info, pricing, budget sheets, pictures of any definite items we decide on, and color swatches, etc.

My other weekend goal (which will probably come before starting the wedding book) is to finish sorting through my stacks and stacks of papers, bills, mail, and wedding stuff I've collected so far, and organize my new office upstairs! It's been SO nice to have our hall/catwalk completely clear of crap (including the ironing board), and I can't wait to get the rest of the clutter out of the living & dining rooms, and start utilizing my new personal space. Already I think we are both happier and calmer in the house, because of the changes. It's a little more "feng shui" if you will, and it eliminates little tiffs over who has more crap, taking up more space, making more of a mess. Ahhh domestic harmony. In-val-u-able. :)